Anti-Donald Trump Limericks
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This collection now contains well over 400 Trump and Trump-related limericks and will keep expanding with new ones at the top. Use the Next button at bottom of this page to read earlier limericks in this collection.
Download and play for free our original, and nasty Trump tune called Bad Trump using lyrics from our own Trump limericks.
Trump's wall will not be inspected
Like his manhood both were rejected
So no wall can he boast
And his old junk is toast
Seems like there's nothing he can get erected.
Lindsey Graham had to have his say
Nowadays he's not very gay
Thinking Trump could explain
Why he extorted Ukraine
So Lindsey could be blown away.
Trump called his VP Mike Pounds
A mistake not thought out of bounds
Cause Mike Pence gained weight
Now now doesn't look great
And his gut is making strange sounds.
Trump we all know is cruel
And he's also very "old school"
While this may sound strange
He rejects climate change
Because he's a fossil fool.
When Brett had too much to drink
For some reason he seemed to think
If he pulled out his dick
So very quick
No one could watch it shrink.
Dumpy Trumpy had too much gall
So Dumpy Trumpy promised a wall
But it's not so funny
Without Mexican money
That taxpayers must break his fall.
Donald Trump grew up in Queens
Chasing girls who wore tight jeans
But when he tried to score
They said "No More!"
Cause his penis was too small, it seems.
When Trump's circus blew into town
All good people wore a big frown
Only his Deplorables came
Cause they have no shame
And they wanted to cheer this clown.
Donald Trump and Robert Kraft
Prefer women whose hands are daft
Laying naked on a table
Their fingers are able
To finish by stroking their shaft.
You don't need an encyclopedia
To understand right-wing media
Their distortion of reality
And complete banality
Represent real tragedia.
Since Trump has an evil soul
Here's a tip from an old Creole
Feed him lots of fried chicken
Til his heart stops tickin'
Then dig a very deep hole.
While the Trumps continue to loot
Republicans still stay mute
But with lots of drama
They attacked Obama
Because he wore a tan suit.
With his poll numbers starting to skid
Trump tried to deport a sick kid
It was all about
Keeping immigrants out
A policy? Heaven forbid!
Trump has lost his mind
It's certainly "one of a kind"
Like an ancient loom
Or an Egyptian tomb
A rare Smithsonian find.
When "lawmorkers" returned to D.C.
A crazier Trump they'd see
More unfit for the job
This orange fat blob
Gave his "lawmakers" reason to flee.
[Another Trump malaprop]
There once was justice named Neil
Cause Trump nominated this heel
We're stuck with this knave
With one foot in the grave
And the other on a banana peel.
Because Merrick Garland was cheated
Neil Gorsuch was eventually seated
But most of his support
To the U.S. Supreme Court
Was from Republicans who must be defeated.
When Alabama wasn't in the cone
As part of the hurricane zone
Because he's a sap
Trump redrew the map
With his Sharpie in a nice black tone.
A 'Trump Truth' is a lie
That Donald will deny
Like Puerto Rico's dramas
He'll too treat the Bahamas
'America First' sounds wry.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
World leaders know Trump's not smart
So they handle him like fine art
They get him engaged
So he's not enraged
Placating this angry old fart.
We know when Trump's off his meds
Cause he'll start blasting the Feds
When his main obsession
Isn't a recession
It's losing the election he dreads.
Still the head of his tiny flock
That will listen to all his schlock
While at the G-7
Trump's not in heaven
Cause he's viewed as a laughingstock.
Trump flew with his bitch to El Paso
Just looking for some praise to lasso
But in so much despair
No one wanted him there
Cause his family's a bunch of asso's.
When the next G-7 resumes
It's at Doral Trump presumes
So if you want to be lewd
And play in the nude
Doral has several ball rooms.
Hurricane Dorian had a well-formed eye
It was likely some people would die
But this Cat 5 threat
Not a feline quintet
That Trump could nuke from the sky.
Melania made her own bed
Marrying the man we dread
She has no shame
And deserves our blame
For supporting his lies that spread.
Greenland Trump wanted to buy
Most thought it a pie-in-the-sky
But it was only a ruse
To create an excuse
So to Denmark he need not fly.
Then there's Moscow Mitch
His party he drove in the ditch
Blocking gun control
Giving Russians a role
The "Grim Reaper" has found his niche.
When Trump needed help with his plumbing
He hired hookers who looked quite stunning
But the "Chosen One"
Was one and done
So there won't be a second cumming.
Trump nominated Neil Gorsuch
Who was lacking the Garland touch
When he delivered his pitch
Said Moscow Mitch,
"He'll have to do in a clutch."
Melania's down on her luck
Knowing she married a schmuck
But she'll soldier on
In hopes he'll be gone
And no more women he'll fuck.
There once was a moron named Donald
Who boasted, "I've pawed, groped, and fondled!"
But once he defected
Was quickly elected
And soon all our treasure was squondled!-from viewer Jonathan Castle, Ithaca, NY
It didn't require much persuasion
To convince them of an invasion
They're white nationalists
So they never insist
That data be in the equation.
He's known as "Moscow Mitch"
With Russians he's found a niche
In rubles he's paid
For deals he's made
So now he's Putin's bitch.
Meeting Rodman was Kim's goal
Over which Trump had no control
Wearing Rodman bling
Kim attempted to sing
But he's not the King of Seoul.
With white terrorists slaying
Trump, like always, is braying:
"Hate has no place,
But first comes race.
Promise: I will be praying"-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
His Deplorables were all awaitin'
For Trump to spew more hatin'
So when he didn't show
They had to know
He went to Toledo, not Dayton.
Deplorables crawled out of their alley
To attend a local Trump rally
But many got bored
While others snored
And most left before his finale.
Trump lies are all aflame
When needing someone to blame
It's easy to see
He'd be the inductee
Into the "Liars Hall of Shame."
They call him "Moscow Mitch"
With Russians he did hitch
So if you live in Kentucky
And are feeling lucky
Get rid of that son-of-a-bitch!"
We're now having serious discussions
Over Trump's involvement with Russians
There was collusion
And election intrusion
So there must be repercussions.
While campaigning Trump told his lies
About not having any Russian ties
But his Moscow hotel
Now doesn't bode well
May be an October Surprise.
When interviewed by Steve Croft
Flynn got really pissed off
Exposed by Sally Yates
To her friend Bill Gates
Was enough to make Michaelsoft.
His staff never lasted that long
At the time these hirings were wrong
Incompetence and corruption
And internal disruption
"Filling the Swamp" is now Trump's song.
Stephen Miller's not misunderstood
He calls all immigrants "no good"
As a white nationalist
We must insist
Over his head he wears a white hood.
We're hopeful we'll never see
A member of Trump's family
In a government position
As a family tradition
Instead of a penitentiary.
Trump was in a weird dream
Crossing a golden stream
When he suddently awoke
After getting a soak
From a golden shower scene.
They're Deplorables for a good reason
As their bigotry's always in season
They'll cheer for Trump
When he's on the stump
Cause he always tries to please 'em.
When Melania said: "Be Best"
It was never meant as a test
Cause her husband would flunk
Because of his junk
Many women doth protest.
When Trump calls you a name
There is no reason for shame
Instead it’s a prize
From someone who lies
That only adds to your fame.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
At the White House they found a leak
But not from a nearby creek
There was lots of rain
But this yellow stain
Was from hookers who came last week.
Barr thinks he's holier than thou
Called to Congress he said, "not now!"
In corruption he's mired
So he'll soon be hired
By Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe.
If Trump were an institution
He'd pay billions in restitution
His victims weren't boys
Young girls were his toys
Like Epstein there's no absolution.
An ode to Mitt must be sung
By Trump who wallows in dung
Cause a Latter Day Saint
Is something Trump ain't
Except Trump can Brigham Young.
Calling Mexicans rapists offends
But it's not where this story ends
He and Epstein did engage
With girls underage
So the rapists are Trump and his friends.
Trump separates families in stages
At immigrants he always rages
But most Americans concur
That they'd much prefer
To see Junior and Eric in cages.
On his golf course there were some sluts
At golfers they'd wiggle their butts
But on the green
They created a scene
Helping Trump with stroking his putz.
Into a dressing room he pushed E. Jean
For Donald Trump a normal routine
Cocked and loaded
His sperm exploded
Creating a rape crime scene.
[E. Jean "Carroll" was a well known NYC writer when she was raped in a Bergdorf's dressing room in 1995 by Trump.]
Trump hit his ball in the rough
And his next shot was quite tough
What no one could see
Was his ball on a tee
Cause the rules of the game he'd slough.
With his golf game in a rut
And needing to make the cut
Chipping out of a ravine
And onto the green
Trump missed his two-foot putt.
Trump is the Price of Whales
Through a blowhole he inhales
If you take a harpoon
And jab this buffoon
You can hear the sound he wails.
[Inspired by a tweet where Trump said he met the Prince of Whales]
He's known as the Prince of Wails
Blubbering along as he fails
When he met a blowho
She extracted his roe
As Stormy Beluga'd this whale.
[Inspired by a tweet where Trump said he met the Prince of Whales]
A president who's always so cranky
Wanted his mushroom to be Spanky wanky
He was in it to win it
But only lasted a minute
Stormy took thousands to her bigly banky.--from Mike Mc, Wisconsin
Trump believes his personal fable
That he's extremely stable
But his obvious lies
With no disguise
Means there's a kink in the cable.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump's tariffs were quite extensive
And to many countries offensive
But he can't ignore
Why imports cost more
Making his fourth wife more expensive.
Trump's golf game is a load of crap
Don't bet on a game with this sap
Cause his two best balls
Were judgement calls
When he stepped on the rake in the trap.
Calling collusion a hoax
Appeals to all of Trump's folks
But his humor I'm told
Like his lying got old
And nobody laughs at his jokes.
The "oranges" of the Trumpian species
Requires such a novel theses
Cause the level of greed
Smells bad indeed
It's the actual origin of feces.
[Another Trump malaprop]
Trump sent Mr. Wright to Hong Kong
To meet with a banker named Wong
Wright spoke no Chinese
Clearly Trump wasn't pleased
Cause he couldn't tell Wright from Wong.
Trump in a decade lost billions
As President he's cost us trillions
If the "Art of the Deal's"
Title is real
His lies are in the zillions.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
There's a special place in hell
For those who refuse to tell
The truth about Barr
Who went too far
Does the word "impeach" ring a bell?
Democrats walked into a Barr
But didn't get very far
The political whore
Was blocking the door
And made them go drink in their car.
There's a lesson we need to teach
About political over-reach
Clearing Trump's name
Was Barr's main game
So Congress must impeach.
King Trump makes America blush
With opponents he tries to crush
So let's dump this fool
Into a stool
And give him a royal flush.
If you don't think Trump's doing us harm
Because you haven't heard the alarm
Just play stud poker
Get dealt this joker
And go ahead and bet the farm.
On Fifth Aveneue he was shot in the head
Now everyone presumes Trump's dead.
But the perp got away
And will never pay
Cause he's getting a medal instead.
After the Mueller Report came out
About this miserable lout
Barr spun it so bad
With theories so rad
Clearing Trump of all but gout.
The obstruction charges were bad
Leaving Trump extremely mad
So he went on attack
Bringing Hillary back
With behavior oh, so sad.
We've got some news to report
Trump will be tied up in court
There will be hard times
Cause of pending crimes
And a campaign on life support.
Trump became rich and famous
With behavior mostly heinous
But when he stumbles on words
It's more like the turds
That flow from an ignoranus.
The MAGA men were rapacious
So their wives said, "Goodness gracious!
Listen up, you creeps!
You can have your sheep
But the ewes will not replace us."
After Trump they named a disease
Not one that will make you sneeze
But you best beware
It affects your hair
So you'll look like an orange Pekingese.
His test scores and transcripts are hidden
To see them has been forbidden
But they'll only show
What we already know
His grades were just fair to middlin'.
President Trump’s obvious bane
Is called: Senator John McCain
From under the daisies
He haunts the 'Crazies'
And drives The Donald insane.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Discussing the state of Trump's mind
Maybe difficult to unwind
If doctors did scan
This unstable man
Not a working brain they would find.
Trump saw a Ferrari for sale
Giving FLOTUS these details:
From zero to two fifty
In seconds quite nifty
So Melania bought him a scale.
Still fighting the Civil War
Trump had to go and open that door
Ideas with mold
Thought we had settled that score.
If you looked out your window you'd see
A flying Alabama tree
Soon Trump will land
Paper towels in hand
To help clean up the debris.
After his meeting with Kim was complete
Trump made a hasty retreat
But when leaving Vietnam
He stepped on a bomb
And got bone spurs in both his feet.
Their sex was very bland
With Donald Trump in command
So Stormy played along
With an old Beatle's song
Singing, "I want to hold your gland".
The orange man known as POTUS
Thinks he controls the SCOTUS
But if his two nominees
Only serve to please
It's clear they lack a SCROTUS.
He wore a newspaper tie to the mall
Where Trump tried to sell his wall
But when his tie caught on fire
It destroyed the entire
Front page, opeds, and all.
His inauguration was sparsely attended
Leaving Trump completely offended
All the money he raised
Yet no one seems fazed
So we need to know how they spent it.
With workers getting harder to find
Questions arose in Trump's mind:
"Should I pay higher wages?
Or hire aliens in stages?
How else can a golfer unwind?"
Trump made a trip to Racine
And met a young model named Jean
He pulled out his whanger
Attempting to bang her
In Wisconsin that's called obscene.
He's building a wall, you bet
But one you'll soon regret
Cause the only wall
He's built at all
Leaves us $22 trillion in debt.
There once was a Donald from Queens
Who made money from illicit schemes
Employing bad actors
And other x-factors
While illegals took care of his greens.
War against Mueller he'd wage
Deplorables he had to assuage
Cause all Trump's crimes
In The New York Times
Kept all progressives engaged.
The Trump's finally got their wall
And one that's extremely tall
With guards in a tower
And a warden with power
Levenworth has cells for them all.
There's no reason his chef would fidget
Prepping food for the Clemson team visit
Buy them hamberders and fries
A sight for sore eyes
For a feast not very exquisite.
[Based on an actual Trump tweet]
After gorging on burgers and fries
His photos Trump would resize
Making his fingers look longer
Because his schlonger
Is much smaller than normal size.
There once was a king full of hate
Whose small hands made him oh so irate
So he built a long wall
That was thirty feet tall
Just so he could compensate.-from viewer in Lansing, MI
"She Forest me to sleep on the couch"
Tweeted Trump the lazy fat slouch
But to get some head
He'll force her to bed
Knowing he's gonna scream "ouch!".
[Inspired by a real Trump tweet tweet]
My! Oh my! Oh my!
Comrade Trumpsky's a Russian spy
He's rootin' and tootin'
For Vladimir Putin
For reasons we don't know why.
Donald Trump's stint on The Apprentice
Should've been enough to prevent us
From electing this clown
That must be brought down
Because he's non compos mentis.
Trump dreams of a brand new wall
Like his dick so very tall
But its actual size
Makes the comparison unwise
Cause immigrants won't see it at all.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
With his memory broken in half
And his base starting to laugh
Not til the end of December
Did Trump remember
That "Mulva" was his new chief-of-staff.
[Inspired by a Seinfeld episode where Jerry didn't know his new girlfriend's first name but knew it rhymed with a female body part.]
He's not getting his wall at the border
But there's another wall in order
Melania's new wall
Is 12 feet tall
To keep Donald out of her quarters.
In the House there's a FreeDUMB caucus
That too often creates a raucus
They're dumb as rocks
So cut off their cocks
So they can't continue to faucus.
While some of our limericks are crude
And others extremely lewd
The essence of Trump
Is that of a chump
So excuse our new attitude.
He was looking for a new chief-of-staff
One who wouldn't apply their craft
No one wanted the gig
Cause Trump's ego's too big
And they knew they would get the shaft.
A border wall Trump didn't get
So he threw another big fit
The government shut down
As Republicans frowned
While hoping their dumbass would quit.
When Flynn strode up to the podium
Trump's base was demanding odium
So he led vile chants
Before shit hit his pants
Cause he forgot to take Imodium.
The Trump family got too greedy
In deals the Feds knew were seedy
So between you and me
The Trumps must flee
Where there's no extradition treaty.
"Tariff Man" a name Trump did pick
A name that likely won't stick
Cause his junk was exposed
Now everyone knows
To call him "Lil' Mushroom Dick."
Known as Individual-1
Cause there is a "smocking" gun
We know very well
That Trump can't spell
An alibi for which there is "nun."
[Based on a Trump tweet with mis-spelled word]
We're ready to make a concession
There's a good reason for voter suppression
Cause Trump's base
Is a national disgrace
And needs to be taught a lesson.
For Trump I can't foresee
A Presidential library
But there is a place
His name should grace:
A federal penitentiary.
For Trump it was very bad news
Cause the midterms he really did lose
It was a total rejection
With one notable exception
Texans re-elected Ted Cruz.
Would he pardon both Carrot and Peas?
When they both caught a fatal disease
In the presence of Trumps
They got covered in bumps
From an infestation of fleas.
Donald and his wife met the carriage
But it couldn't save their marriage
A big Christmas tree
Can't bring any glee
To a couple who can only disparage.
When Stormy described Trump's junk
Melania went into a funk
If he wanted to screw
What would she do?
Knowing she'd married a skunk.
Trump has a brain like a nut
So he has to think from his gut
Is by defecation
So the result is always just smut.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He bragged he was a very smart fella
Even smarter than Duterte in Manila
But after walking up his plane
In a cold pouring rain
Trump couldn't even close his umbrella.
For Trump it was a "midtown year"
And beating expectations seemed clear
But the "midterm" election
Brought Trump rejection
And a Democratic House to cheer.
[based on another Trump malaprop of first saying "midtown" and then correcting himself by saying "Midtern" instead of "midterm" while reading from a teleprompter]
His toilet was for men well-endowed
This pitch made Matt Whitaker proud
But it wasn't for Trump
With his mushroom-shaped stump
Nor for your average crowd.
When Armistice Day came around
Trump just couldn't be found
He claimed the rain
Would mess up his mane
Exposing mere barren ground.
While pissing off the deck of his yacht
Lindsey stared with no fear getting caught
As he looked over Trump's shoulders
He saw some small boulders
And what appeared to be a shriveled up cock.-from viewer Mike H, Norman, OK.
Matt Whitaker replaced Jeff Sessions
After he dabbled in sleazy professions
Scams he did pitch
To make himself rich
While investors lost all their possessions.
Trump's Robert Mueller obsessions
Meant he had to fire Jeff Sessions
To quash the investigation
To save his reputation
By shielding all his transgressions.
When his supporter killed some Jews
Trump thought it was really bad news
Not because they were dead
With an election ahead
Republicans were likely to lose.
When Trump got out of bed
Strange thoughts went through his head
Something was wrong
Cause he had a sore dong
From sleeping with Lyin' Ted.
A Trump fan with nothing to lose
Went and screwed up his courage with booze.
"He says it's okay
To make others pay,
So I'll go out and shoot me some Jews!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
Trump's rallies are a freak show
Where only Deplorables go
And hatred is spread
Among the inbred
Whose intellect's at an all-time low.
As a last ditch election scam
Trump attacked a caravan
Of desperate refugees
In an effort to please
A MAGAbomber in a white van.
Trump's Deplorables have an infirmity
That will likely last an eternity
So write them off
And let them scoff
In their MY MAGA KAPPA fraternity.
The orange man with the very weird hair
Made a fortune au contraire
He just failed to mention
His father's intervention
So let's call him the real Con Heir.
There's no finding Kashoggi's remains
Since they chopped up his bones with his brains
But Trump says, "It won't matter
Our deals will get fatter
They'll buy even more of our planes!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
Lindsey Graham had a long term plan
To be known as a single white man
Of course that's true
But between me and you
Don't follow him into the can.
Trump's base doesn't expect gumption
And that's an obvious assumption
A liar and tax cheat
Only tosses red meat
That isn't fit for human consumption.
On a trip to Mexico Beach
Donald Trump attempted to reach
The Mexican President
He thought was a resident
Where Hurricane Michael did breach.
The Trumpsta had a bad day
When visited by Kanye
Despite all his cash
He could only talk trash
A game Jim Brown wouldn't play.
The orange man with the silly hair-do
Who prowls for women to screw
Finally met his match
When he grabbed the snatch
Of a woman he barely knew.
He thinks that his wins are terrific
His triumphs complete and prolific
But the midterm elections
With their massive defections
Will prove that they all were pyrrhific.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
With Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court
We've got some news to report
No more beer or liquor
So words he won't slur
Just give him cocaine to snort.
With no men left to hump
Lindsey Graham golfed with Trump
Trump pulled out his putter
Then heard Lindsey mutter
"Ram that shaft up my rump!"
Brett went to a party at Exeter
Saw Ms. Ramirez and sidled up next to her
He was even so brave
To take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
Lindsey Graham needed to mangle
The meaning of Devil's Triangle
But since Lindsey is gay
There's no other way
It's three men in a drunken fandagle.
In the days of the backroom coat hanger
When no condoms were used on their whanger
With Brett on the Court
We're pleased to report
He's America's star-spangled banger.
His penis never touched a vagina
Causing Lindsey bouts of angina
He claims he's not gay
But that's not the way
They do things in South Carolina.
Lindsey Graham just blew a fuse
But it was only a political ruse
To get a new job
Inside the Trump mob
So their problems he can diffuse.
Lindsey Graham's not going to China
In seach of a robotic vagina
Cause he already knew
When he must screw
There's glory holes in South Carolina.
If statutory rape's your thing
Give Judge Kavanaugh a ring
He'll take your case
Your crime he'll erase
And you won't owe him a thing.
There was a young man named Brett
Who partied without regret
With too much liquor
He tried to dick her
Leaving Hatch and Grassely upset.
They checked into a hotel room
But not as a bride and groom
Trump undid his zipper
Said, "Behold my big dipper!"
But instead it looked like a 'shroom.
Like Toad from Mario Cart
Miss Stormy did impart
To describe the penis
Of our "stable genius"
Who's also not that smart.
His background they tried to distort
To get Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court
But a perjurer and a rambler
And a midnight gambler
A nominee Senators must abort.
When sitting on the Court's your dream
Make sure your victims can't scream
With Dr. Ford's now talking
Soon Kavanaugh will be walking
Away from his girl's basketball team.
Brett went to a high school mixer
And drank some potent elixer
Then 30-years later
He's chasing Ruth Bader
When he's not all over Wolf Blitzer.
"It was the wettest we've ever seen
More water than a Russian stream"
But to our abhorrence
It's not Hurricane Florence
But Trump's Moscow shower scene.
The orange man with the misshaped penis
And a comb-over that's quite ingenious
He has Yeti-like pubes
And a pair of man-boobs
At a freak show you've already seen this.
There's a man on the Supreme Court
Who's a perjurer we must report
In prior confirmations
He gave false affirmations
Because it was his last resort.
When a Supreme Court Justice retires
They shouldn't be replaced with liars
So without any doubt
Take Kavanaugh out
Cause he worse than Harriet Miers.
There's something amiss with Brett
Cause his actions he'll soon regret
His penchant for perjury
Will require deft surgery
To keep from prison, we bet.
We know it took lots of spunk
For Stormy to describe Trump's junk
"A huge mushroom-shaped head
Smaller than normal," she said
"And when we finished, it really shrunk."
At a party Brett tried to score
He forced a young girl through a door
But she managed to escape
His attempted rape
A Justice with ethics no more.
Melania must now understand
For adultery she never planned
Stormy's penis description
Does not need encryption
That her knowledge came firsthand.
To all the women Trump's abused
And his behavior Melania excused
For not accepting your chronology
She owes you an apology
And must acknowledge he's rightly accused.
With more skeletons in Kavanaugh's closet
Expect more scandals, we posit
He was a heavy drinker
And at parties a stinker
So his drunken behavior will cause it.
Has Melania been made to feel sick
As "The Donald"‚ denied double quick
Are Stormy's claims bogus
On this feature of POTUS
Has he really a mushroom-shaped dick?-from viewer John S.
The Bible Belt vote for the Right
Helping Donald to fight the good fight
To the depths they're descending
When they condone ethnic cleansing
They must pray that Jesus ain't white-from viewer John S.
Trump's tweeting, it gets more absurd
He's often misspelling a word
He should learn from his betters
That capital letters
Don't help to polish a turd.-from viewer John S.
Do we really want Brett Kavanaugh
Who lies through his teeth and his jaw?
Won't he try to get laid
And screw Roe versus Wade
By nibbling away at the law?-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
In the closet Lindsey Graham does remain
After losing his buddy McCain
But he's now ogling the rump
Of Donald J. Trump
For any access he can gain.
He denied the hurricane's death toll
And said Democrats played a role
Their are so many lies
That Trump must disguise
From tweets coming out his asshole.
To his wives he was never monoginous
While attempting to remain autominous
But when an anomnous oped
Exploded in his head
His reaction was predictably onimous.
(Our take on another Trump malaprop)
They took Trump to a 12-step meeting
To cure his addiction to tweeting
The feeling was unonimous
At Twitter Anominous
A 13-steps he'd be needing.
(Another take on a Trump malaprop)
On the topic of 'DISASTER'
Trump certainly is the master
"Donald" would be a better name
For the next hurricane
Cause he destroys more and faster.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He knows at most a hundred baby words
"Disgraceful" and "unfair" he drops like turds.
The witches must've put a hex upon
Our moron's impoverished lexicon
But let's leave a formal word-count for the nerds.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
They said it was an inside job
Involving a White House mob
And one of their capers
Was stealing his papers
While he's fiddlin' with his nob.
Lady Justice will not fail
And soon we will regale
When the orange galoot
Wears a matching jumpsuit
And spends some time in jail.
Puerto Ricans were very grumpy
Their recovery had been too bumpy
After a strong blow job
Paper towels he did lob
One heckuva job, Trumpy!
They stand in their corner and whine
About a President on borrowed time
But they still do his bidding
So who are they kidding?
Republicans can't grow a spine.
Senators Sasse, Corker, and Flake
Are making a terrible mistake
With little disruption
In a cover-up they all partake.
If you attended an Ivy League college
Expecting to gain more knowledge
Take a look at Trump
Who's as dumb as a stump
It's something we all acknowledge.
The President with a 5th-grade mind
That isn't correctly aligned
How'd he graduate from college
With so little knowledge
It's his transcripts we need to find.
Truth isn't truth, declares Rudy
But he's only doing his duty:
So he lies and distracts
With alternate facts
While kissing the Dictator's booty.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
He vents like a belching volcano
A sewer pipe unflushed by Drano
The rot from his mouth
Shows his mind has gone south:
That mush that he has for a brain-o!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
To distract from those sins of his wiener's
He blames hordes of Mexican beaners
But why aid and abet him?
For soon we will get him
For high crimes and misdemeanors!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Oh, poor Sarah Huckabee Sanders!
The press corps is full of demanders
They want to know why
She does nothing but lie
And why to that moron she panders!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Whatever King Midas would hit
Turned to gold -- it just wouldn't quit!
But for Trump the reverse
A visceral curse:
What HE touches turns right to shit.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
The Kushner's played their role
Though their presence took a toll
At a funeral for a hero
Sat these two zeros
Like two turds in a punch bowl.
Over Trump an ill-wind blew
From the women he did screw
And others he did grope
When they told him "NOPE!"
Now Melania tweets #MeToo!
From Trump's mouth comes only drivel
Punctuated by a frequent snivel
Hearing Trump speak
Is not for the meek
Cause he's creating a war uncivil.
Compared to John, a Hero
Trump is a cowardly Zero
History will praise McCain
And flush Trump down the drain
Like Mao, Amin, and Nero.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Under Trump when Republicans speak
They always sound so weak
With no leadership left
They seem bereft
While heading up shit creek.
Trump has an enemy's list
But Republicans don't seem pissed
But upon reflection
There's a November election
After which they won't exist.
If you're visiting the White House
Make sure to button your blouse
Needs some relief
Cause Melania won't pleasure the louse.
In the White House there's a tanning bed
Where Agent Orange lays his head
Around his eyes he's white
Where goggles block light
While taking in the infrared.
Trump wanted to rule like King George
A white nation he promised to forge
But all his corruption
Brought too much disruption
And a book called Profiles in Scourge.
True patriots wanted to impeach
The orange man with the juvenile speech
"Beautiful this, beautiful that"
"No collusion, he's a rat"
He's the moron that no one can teach.
In the White House there's much dejection
But upon further reflection
The orange Germophobe
Has blown a lobe
And caused a staff infection.
With Omarosa Trump has met his doom
He wishes he could crawl into her womb
But alas, he can't molest her
So he's trying to arrest her
Flailing blindly towards his presidencys tomb.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
"Belgium is a beautiful city"
Said Trump in a recent ditty
He called Bhutan, "Button"
Whose main crop was mutton
His ignorance is something to pity.
At a grocery store Trump made a stop
For dinner he needed to shop
But without his ID
Or the right key
He was escorted out by a cop.
Since Trump's a vile sexist
His behavior won't perplex us
So if at age 72
He decides to screw
He'll discover there's nomo' erectus.
Carrying bibles to a Trump spectacle
They reject everything technical
They sell their soul
To an immoral asshole
Seeking answers from the Old Testicle.
He made women sign NDAs
His divorce records were sealed away
If these records were inspected
He wouldn't have been elected
And America would be okay.
An ode to Trump will be sung
'bout a man who wasn't well hung
So he relied on his wealth
To gratify himself
And to make himself feel young.
His black "enemies" he calls "Low IQ"
From Trump it's a racial view
Cause Maxine Waters
Is smarter than his daughters
And much wiser than Donald too.
Paul Ryan walked into a bar
In seaech of a Republican star
But instead he found nomads
With no real gonads
Cause his party is really subpar.
Omarosa cried Ma'ma Mia!
At Trump's verbal diarrhea
But there's no perscription
To cure his affliction
Called explosive Donorrhea.
He says that his genius is stable
That does seem to be a good label
Since stables are sources
Of droppings from horses
That word should stay right on the table!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Each time that the Donald starts lying
His huge brain heats up till it's frying
There's no kind of surgery
That works against perjury
He's hopeless, so why bother trying?-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Britain and England aren't the same
But Trump thinks they share one name
And he thinks Angola
And British Columbia borders Spain.
What's in a country's name?
Trump's geography is a shame
He thinks Angola
And North Vagina borders Maine.