Anti-Donald Trump Limericks
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This collection now contains well over 300 Trump and Trump-related limericks and will keep expanding with new ones at the top. Use the Next button at bottom of this page to read earlier limericks in this collection.
Download and play for free our new, original, and nasty Trump tune called Bad Trump using lyrics from our own Trump limericks.
Our head clown just thinks he is tops,
His crimes always pull out the stops,
With bluster and blunder,
He'll put us all under,
While being the mascot of fops.-from Tina, Eugene, OR
Presy Trump chortled "Isn't it neat?
I can assassinate just with a tweet!
This impeachment 'lite',
They'll forget over-night,
And my legacy will be complete!"-from Kira W., Norroy, France
The presidency once was an art,
But all Mr Trump does is fart,
Endless lies onto twitter,
His mind all a dither,
While the world is falling apart!-from Kira W., Norroy, France
Once again our great country's in crisis,
From a dolt with the brain of a mysis,
With his mushroom-shaped peter,
I present, our dear leader,
The biggest abettor of ISIS.-from Brian W., Seattle, WA
Cried old dotard Trumpy "Oh gee!
What fun is this drone murder spree!
If I kill enough Persians,
No matter what versions,
My daddy will finally love me."-from Brian W., Seattle, WA
The prez must have acted on cue,
Then tweeted with much ballyhoo,
Soleimani -- he picked him,
His drone struck the victim,
T'was "perfect" from Trump's point of view.-from Karen R., Springfield, OR
"I've killed Soleimani," said he.
Rubbed his hands together with glee.
Though Trump is ecstatic,
We think he's fanatic,
Just wait till he starts World War III.-from Karen R., Springfield, OR
Trump, the unstable dope
Thinks he's a kind of pope
But he's earned his spurs
From slimy slurs
Lurking for the next to grope.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
As our realization grows,
Even a small child knows
What Trump pretends
In truth offends
Cause the Emperor has no clothes.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
All the bad dictators combined,
Did less damage to mankind,
As a climate denier,
And orange fat liar,
Trump is totally mindblind.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
If Fox News is what you choose
Your mind will become abused
Cause their propaganda
Borders on slanda'
For the un-read, white, with the blues.
Lindsey mocked his attacker
An opponent who's much blacker
But white Republican friends
He always defends
Cause Lindsey's a southern Graham cracker.
The orange man with the peas-sized brain
Decided he'd meddle in Ukraine
In a stupid blackmail
Destined to fail
Likely putting an end to his reign.
Both had good reason to blame
The media for causing them shame
Bill had Lewinsky
And Trump had Zelensky
Impeachment is the name of that game.
Driving a golf cart onto the green
Is what golfers call obscene
But it can only reflect
What we all expect
That Trump just needs to be seen.
A whistleblower wrote an epistle
About the Javelin missile
Now Trump is caught
And Lindsey is fraught
Cause no one will blow his whistle.
Now that impeachment is near
Giving us reason to cheer
Trump will be done
By twenty-twenty one
And we'll all have a Happy New Year!
Trump's wall will not be inspected
Like his manhood both were rejected
So no wall can he boast
And his old junk is toast
Seems like there's nothing he can get erected.
Lindsey Graham had to have his say
Nowadays he's not very gay
Thinking Trump could explain
Why he extorted Ukraine
So Lindsey could be blown away.
Trump called his VP Mike Pounds
A mistake not thought out of bounds
Cause Mike Pence gained weight
Now now doesn't look great
And his gut is making strange sounds.
Trump we all know is cruel
And he's also very "old school"
While this may sound strange
He rejects climate change
Because he's a fossil fool.
When Brett had too much to drink
For some reason he seemed to think
If he pulled out his dick
So very quick
No one could watch it shrink.
Dumpy Trumpy had too much gall
So Dumpy Trumpy promised a wall
But it's not so funny
Without Mexican money
That taxpayers must break his fall.
Donald Trump grew up in Queens
Chasing girls who wore tight jeans
But when he tried to score
They said "No More!"
Cause his penis was too small, it seems.
When Trump's circus blew into town
All good people wore a big frown
Only his Deplorables came
Cause they have no shame
And they wanted to cheer this clown.
Donald Trump and Robert Kraft
Prefer women whose hands are daft
Laying naked on a table
Their fingers are able
To finish by stroking their shaft.
You don't need an encyclopedia
To understand right-wing media
Their distortion of reality
And complete banality
Represent real tragedia.
Since Trump has an evil soul
Here's a tip from an old Creole
Feed him lots of fried chicken
Til his heart stops tickin'
Then dig a very deep hole.
While the Trumps continue to loot
Republicans still stay mute
But with lots of drama
They attacked Obama
Because he wore a tan suit.
With his poll numbers starting to skid
Trump tried to deport a sick kid
It was all about
Keeping immigrants out
A policy? Heaven forbid!
Trump has lost his mind
It's certainly "one of a kind"
Like an ancient loom
Or an Egyptian tomb
A rare Smithsonian find.
When "lawmorkers" returned to D.C.
A crazier Trump they'd see
More unfit for the job
This orange fat blob
Gave his "lawmakers" reason to flee.
[Another Trump malaprop]
There once was justice named Neil
Cause Trump nominated this heel
We're stuck with this knave
With one foot in the grave
And the other on a banana peel.
Because Merrick Garland was cheated
Neil Gorsuch was eventually seated
But most of his support
To the U.S. Supreme Court
Was from Republicans who must be defeated.
When Alabama wasn't in the cone
As part of the hurricane zone
Because he's a sap
Trump redrew the map
With his Sharpie in a nice black tone.
A 'Trump Truth' is a lie
That Donald will deny
Like Puerto Rico's dramas
He'll too treat the Bahamas
'America First' sounds wry.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
World leaders know Trump's not smart
So they handle him like fine art
They get him engaged
So he's not enraged
Placating this angry old fart.
We know when Trump's off his meds
Cause he'll start blasting the Feds
When his main obsession
Isn't a recession
It's losing the election he dreads.
Still the head of his tiny flock
That will listen to all his schlock
While at the G-7
Trump's not in heaven
Cause he's viewed as a laughingstock.
Trump flew with his bitch to El Paso
Just looking for some praise to lasso
But in so much despair
No one wanted him there
Cause his family's a bunch of asso's.
When the next G-7 resumes
It's at Doral Trump presumes
So if you want to be lewd
And play in the nude
Doral has several ball rooms.
Hurricane Dorian had a well-formed eye
It was likely some people would die
But this Cat 5 threat
Not a feline quintet
That Trump could nuke from the sky.
Melania made her own bed
Marrying the man we dread
She has no shame
And deserves our blame
For supporting his lies that spread.
Greenland Trump wanted to buy
Most thought it a pie-in-the-sky
But it was only a ruse
To create an excuse
So to Denmark he need not fly.
Then there's Moscow Mitch
His party he drove in the ditch
Blocking gun control
Giving Russians a role
The "Grim Reaper" has found his niche.
When Trump needed help with his plumbing
He hired hookers who looked quite stunning
But the "Chosen One"
Was one and done
So there won't be a second cumming.
Trump nominated Neil Gorsuch
Who was lacking the Garland touch
When he delivered his pitch
Said Moscow Mitch,
"He'll have to do in a clutch."
Melania's down on her luck
Knowing she married a schmuck
But she'll soldier on
In hopes he'll be gone
And no more women he'll fuck.
There once was a moron named Donald
Who boasted, "I've pawed, groped, and fondled!"
But once he defected
Was quickly elected
And soon all our treasure was squondled!-from viewer Jonathan Castle, Ithaca, NY
It didn't require much persuasion
To convince them of an invasion
They're white nationalists
So they never insist
That data be in the equation.
He's known as "Moscow Mitch"
With Russians he's found a niche
In rubles he's paid
For deals he's made
So now he's Putin's bitch.
Meeting Rodman was Kim's goal
Over which Trump had no control
Wearing Rodman bling
Kim attempted to sing
But he's not the King of Seoul.
With white terrorists slaying
Trump, like always, is braying:
"Hate has no place,
But first comes race.
Promise: I will be praying"-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
His Deplorables were all awaitin'
For Trump to spew more hatin'
So when he didn't show
They had to know
He went to Toledo, not Dayton.
Deplorables crawled out of their alley
To attend a local Trump rally
But many got bored
While others snored
And most left before his finale.
Trump lies are all aflame
When needing someone to blame
It's easy to see
He'd be the inductee
Into the "Liars Hall of Shame."
They call him "Moscow Mitch"
With Russians he did hitch
So if you live in Kentucky
And are feeling lucky
Get rid of that son-of-a-bitch!"
We're now having serious discussions
Over Trump's involvement with Russians
There was collusion
And election intrusion
So there must be repercussions.
While campaigning Trump told his lies
About not having any Russian ties
But his Moscow hotel
Now doesn't bode well
May be an October Surprise.
When interviewed by Steve Croft
Flynn got really pissed off
Exposed by Sally Yates
To her friend Bill Gates
Was enough to make Michaelsoft.
His staff never lasted that long
At the time these hirings were wrong
Incompetence and corruption
And internal disruption
"Filling the Swamp" is now Trump's song.
Stephen Miller's not misunderstood
He calls all immigrants "no good"
As a white nationalist
We must insist
Over his head he wears a white hood.
We're hopeful we'll never see
A member of Trump's family
In a government position
As a family tradition
Instead of a penitentiary.
Trump was in a weird dream
Crossing a golden stream
When he suddently awoke
After getting a soak
From a golden shower scene.
They're Deplorables for a good reason
As their bigotry's always in season
They'll cheer for Trump
When he's on the stump
Cause he always tries to please 'em.
When Melania said: "Be Best"
It was never meant as a test
Cause her husband would flunk
Because of his junk
Many women doth protest.
When Trump calls you a name
There is no reason for shame
Instead it’s a prize
From someone who lies
That only adds to your fame.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
At the White House they found a leak
But not from a nearby creek
There was lots of rain
But this yellow stain
Was from hookers who came last week.
Barr thinks he's holier than thou
Called to Congress he said, "not now!"
In corruption he's mired
So he'll soon be hired
By Dewey, Cheatam, and Howe.
If Trump were an institution
He'd pay billions in restitution
His victims weren't boys
Young girls were his toys
Like Epstein there's no absolution.
An ode to Mitt must be sung
By Trump who wallows in dung
Cause a Latter Day Saint
Is something Trump ain't
Except Trump can Brigham Young.
Calling Mexicans rapists offends
But it's not where this story ends
He and Epstein did engage
With girls underage
So the rapists are Trump and his friends.
Trump separates families in stages
At immigrants he always rages
But most Americans concur
That they'd much prefer
To see Junior and Eric in cages.
On his golf course there were some sluts
At golfers they'd wiggle their butts
But on the green
They created a scene
Helping Trump with stroking his putz.
Into a dressing room he pushed E. Jean
For Donald Trump a normal routine
Cocked and loaded
His sperm exploded
Creating a rape crime scene.
[E. Jean "Carroll" was a well known NYC writer when she was raped in a Bergdorf's dressing room in 1995 by Trump.]
Trump hit his ball in the rough
And his next shot was quite tough
What no one could see
Was his ball on a tee
Cause the rules of the game he'd slough.
With his golf game in a rut
And needing to make the cut
Chipping out of a ravine
And onto the green
Trump missed his two-foot putt.
Trump is the Price of Whales
Through a blowhole he inhales
If you take a harpoon
And jab this buffoon
You can hear the sound he wails.
[Inspired by a tweet where Trump said he met the Prince of Whales]
He's known as the Prince of Wails
Blubbering along as he fails
When he met a blowho
She extracted his roe
As Stormy Beluga'd this whale.
[Inspired by a tweet where Trump said he met the Prince of Whales]
A president who's always so cranky
Wanted his mushroom to be Spanky wanky
He was in it to win it
But only lasted a minute
Stormy took thousands to her bigly banky.--from Mike Mc, Wisconsin
Trump believes his personal fable
That he's extremely stable
But his obvious lies
With no disguise
Means there's a kink in the cable.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump's tariffs were quite extensive
And to many countries offensive
But he can't ignore
Why imports cost more
Making his fourth wife more expensive.
Trump's golf game is a load of crap
Don't bet on a game with this sap
Cause his two best balls
Were judgement calls
When he stepped on the rake in the trap.
Calling collusion a hoax
Appeals to all of Trump's folks
But his humor I'm told
Like his lying got old
And nobody laughs at his jokes.
The "oranges" of the Trumpian species
Requires such a novel theses
Cause the level of greed
Smells bad indeed
It's the actual origin of feces.
[Another Trump malaprop]
Trump sent Mr. Wright to Hong Kong
To meet with a banker named Wong
Wright spoke no Chinese
Clearly Trump wasn't pleased
Cause he couldn't tell Wright from Wong.
Trump in a decade lost billions
As President he's cost us trillions
If the "Art of the Deal's"
Title is real
His lies are in the zillions.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
There's a special place in hell
For those who refuse to tell
The truth about Barr
Who went too far
Does the word "impeach" ring a bell?
Democrats walked into a Barr
But didn't get very far
The political whore
Was blocking the door
And made them go drink in their car.
There's a lesson we need to teach
About political over-reach
Clearing Trump's name
Was Barr's main game
So Congress must impeach.
King Trump makes America blush
With opponents he tries to crush
So let's dump this fool
Into a stool
And give him a royal flush.
If you don't think Trump's doing us harm
Because you haven't heard the alarm
Just play stud poker
Get dealt this joker
And go ahead and bet the farm.
On Fifth Aveneue he was shot in the head
Now everyone presumes Trump's dead.
But the perp got away
And will never pay
Cause he's getting a medal instead.
After the Mueller Report came out
About this miserable lout
Barr spun it so bad
With theories so rad
Clearing Trump of all but gout.
The obstruction charges were bad
Leaving Trump extremely mad
So he went on attack
Bringing Hillary back
With behavior oh, so sad.
We've got some news to report
Trump will be tied up in court
There will be hard times
Cause of pending crimes
And a campaign on life support.
Trump became rich and famous
With behavior mostly heinous
But when he stumbles on words
It's more like the turds
That flow from an ignoranus.
The MAGA men were rapacious
So their wives said, "Goodness gracious!
Listen up, you creeps!
You can have your sheep
But the ewes will not replace us."
After Trump they named a disease
Not one that will make you sneeze
But you best beware
It affects your hair
So you'll look like an orange Pekingese.
His test scores and transcripts are hidden
To see them has been forbidden
But they'll only show
What we already know
His grades were just fair to middlin'.
President Trump’s obvious bane
Is called: Senator John McCain
From under the daisies
He haunts the 'Crazies'
And drives The Donald insane.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Discussing the state of Trump's mind
Maybe difficult to unwind
If doctors did scan
This unstable man
Not a working brain they would find.
Trump saw a Ferrari for sale
Giving FLOTUS these details:
From zero to two fifty
In seconds quite nifty
So Melania bought him a scale.
Still fighting the Civil War
Trump had to go and open that door
Ideas with mold
Thought we had settled that score.
If you looked out your window you'd see
A flying Alabama tree
Soon Trump will land
Paper towels in hand
To help clean up the debris.
After his meeting with Kim was complete
Trump made a hasty retreat
But when leaving Vietnam
He stepped on a bomb
And got bone spurs in both his feet.
Their sex was very bland
With Donald Trump in command
So Stormy played along
With an old Beatle's song
Singing, "I want to hold your gland".
The orange man known as POTUS
Thinks he controls the SCOTUS
But if his two nominees
Only serve to please
It's clear they lack a SCROTUS.
He wore a newspaper tie to the mall
Where Trump tried to sell his wall
But when his tie caught on fire
It destroyed the entire
Front page, opeds, and all.
His inauguration was sparsely attended
Leaving Trump completely offended
All the money he raised
Yet no one seems fazed
So we need to know how they spent it.
With workers getting harder to find
Questions arose in Trump's mind:
"Should I pay higher wages?
Or hire aliens in stages?
How else can a golfer unwind?"
Trump made a trip to Racine
And met a young model named Jean
He pulled out his whanger
Attempting to bang her
In Wisconsin that's called obscene.
He's building a wall, you bet
But one you'll soon regret
Cause the only wall
He's built at all
Leaves us $22 trillion in debt.
There once was a Donald from Queens
Who made money from illicit schemes
Employing bad actors
And other x-factors
While illegals took care of his greens.
War against Mueller he'd wage
Deplorables he had to assuage
Cause all Trump's crimes
In The New York Times
Kept all progressives engaged.
The Trump's finally got their wall
And one that's extremely tall
With guards in a tower
And a warden with power
Levenworth has cells for them all.
There's no reason his chef would fidget
Prepping food for the Clemson team visit
Buy them hamberders and fries
A sight for sore eyes
For a feast not very exquisite.
[Based on an actual Trump tweet]
After gorging on burgers and fries
His photos Trump would resize
Making his fingers look longer
Because his schlonger
Is much smaller than normal size.
There once was a king full of hate
Whose small hands made him oh so irate
So he built a long wall
That was thirty feet tall
Just so he could compensate.-from viewer in Lansing, MI
"She Forest me to sleep on the couch"
Tweeted Trump the lazy fat slouch
But to get some head
He'll force her to bed
Knowing he's gonna scream "ouch!".
[Inspired by a real Trump tweet tweet]
My! Oh my! Oh my!
Comrade Trumpsky's a Russian spy
He's rootin' and tootin'
For Vladimir Putin
For reasons we don't know why.
Donald Trump's stint on The Apprentice
Should've been enough to prevent us
From electing this clown
That must be brought down
Because he's non compos mentis.
Trump dreams of a brand new wall
Like his dick so very tall
But its actual size
Makes the comparison unwise
Cause immigrants won't see it at all.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
With his memory broken in half
And his base starting to laugh
Not til the end of December
Did Trump remember
That "Mulva" was his new chief-of-staff.
[Inspired by a Seinfeld episode where Jerry didn't know his new girlfriend's first name but knew it rhymed with a female body part.]
He's not getting his wall at the border
But there's another wall in order
Melania's new wall
Is 12 feet tall
To keep Donald out of her quarters.
In the House there's a FreeDUMB caucus
That too often creates a raucus
They're dumb as rocks
So cut off their cocks
So they can't continue to faucus.
While some of our limericks are crude
And others extremely lewd
The essence of Trump
Is that of a chump
So excuse our new attitude.
He was looking for a new chief-of-staff
One who wouldn't apply their craft
No one wanted the gig
Cause Trump's ego's too big
And they knew they would get the shaft.
A border wall Trump didn't get
So he threw another big fit
The government shut down
As Republicans frowned
While hoping their dumbass would quit.
When Flynn strode up to the podium
Trump's base was demanding odium
So he led vile chants
Before shit hit his pants
Cause he forgot to take Imodium.
The Trump family got too greedy
In deals the Feds knew were seedy
So between you and me
The Trumps must flee
Where there's no extradition treaty.
"Tariff Man" a name Trump did pick
A name that likely won't stick
Cause his junk was exposed
Now everyone knows
To call him "Lil' Mushroom Dick."
Known as Individual-1
Cause there is a "smocking" gun
We know very well
That Trump can't spell
An alibi for which there is "nun."
[Based on a Trump tweet with mis-spelled word]
We're ready to make a concession
There's a good reason for voter suppression
Cause Trump's base
Is a national disgrace
And needs to be taught a lesson.
For Trump I can't foresee
A Presidential library
But there is a place
His name should grace:
A federal penitentiary.
For Trump it was very bad news
Cause the midterms he really did lose
It was a total rejection
With one notable exception
Texans re-elected Ted Cruz.
Would he pardon both Carrot and Peas?
When they both caught a fatal disease
In the presence of Trumps
They got covered in bumps
From an infestation of fleas.
Donald and his wife met the carriage
But it couldn't save their marriage
A big Christmas tree
Can't bring any glee
To a couple who can only disparage.
When Stormy described Trump's junk
Melania went into a funk
If he wanted to screw
What would she do?
Knowing she'd married a skunk.
Trump has a brain like a nut
So he has to think from his gut
Is by defecation
So the result is always just smut.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He bragged he was a very smart fella
Even smarter than Duterte in Manila
But after walking up his plane
In a cold pouring rain
Trump couldn't even close his umbrella.
For Trump it was a "midtown year"
And beating expectations seemed clear
But the "midterm" election
Brought Trump rejection
And a Democratic House to cheer.
[based on another Trump malaprop of first saying "midtown" and then correcting himself by saying "Midtern" instead of "midterm" while reading from a teleprompter]
His toilet was for men well-endowed
This pitch made Matt Whitaker proud
But it wasn't for Trump
With his mushroom-shaped stump
Nor for your average crowd.
When Armistice Day came around
Trump just couldn't be found
He claimed the rain
Would mess up his mane
Exposing mere barren ground.
While pissing off the deck of his yacht
Lindsey stared with no fear getting caught
As he looked over Trump's shoulders
He saw some small boulders
And what appeared to be a shriveled up cock.-from viewer Mike H, Norman, OK.
Matt Whitaker replaced Jeff Sessions
After he dabbled in sleazy professions
Scams he did pitch
To make himself rich
While investors lost all their possessions.
Trump's Robert Mueller obsessions
Meant he had to fire Jeff Sessions
To quash the investigation
To save his reputation
By shielding all his transgressions.
When his supporter killed some Jews
Trump thought it was really bad news
Not because they were dead
With an election ahead
Republicans were likely to lose.
When Trump got out of bed
Strange thoughts went through his head
Something was wrong
Cause he had a sore dong
From sleeping with Lyin' Ted.
A Trump fan with nothing to lose
Went and screwed up his courage with booze.
"He says it's okay
To make others pay,
So I'll go out and shoot me some Jews!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
Trump's rallies are a freak show
Where only Deplorables go
And hatred is spread
Among the inbred
Whose intellect's at an all-time low.
As a last ditch election scam
Trump attacked a caravan
Of desperate refugees
In an effort to please
A MAGAbomber in a white van.
Trump's Deplorables have an infirmity
That will likely last an eternity
So write them off
And let them scoff
In their MY MAGA KAPPA fraternity.
The orange man with the very weird hair
Made a fortune au contraire
He just failed to mention
His father's intervention
So let's call him the real Con Heir.
There's no finding Kashoggi's remains
Since they chopped up his bones with his brains
But Trump says, "It won't matter
Our deals will get fatter
They'll buy even more of our planes!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
Lindsey Graham had a long term plan
To be known as a single white man
Of course that's true
But between me and you
Don't follow him into the can.
Trump's base doesn't expect gumption
And that's an obvious assumption
A liar and tax cheat
Only tosses red meat
That isn't fit for human consumption.
On a trip to Mexico Beach
Donald Trump attempted to reach
The Mexican President
He thought was a resident
Where Hurricane Michael did breach.
The Trumpsta had a bad day
When visited by Kanye
Despite all his cash
He could only talk trash
A game Jim Brown wouldn't play.
The orange man with the silly hair-do
Who prowls for women to screw
Finally met his match
When he grabbed the snatch
Of a woman he barely knew.
He thinks that his wins are terrific
His triumphs complete and prolific
But the midterm elections
With their massive defections
Will prove that they all were pyrrhific.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
With Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court
We've got some news to report
No more beer or liquor
So words he won't slur
Just give him cocaine to snort.
With no men left to hump
Lindsey Graham golfed with Trump
Trump pulled out his putter
Then heard Lindsey mutter
"Ram that shaft up my rump!"
Brett went to a party at Exeter
Saw Ms. Ramirez and sidled up next to her
He was even so brave
To take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
Lindsey Graham needed to mangle
The meaning of Devil's Triangle
But since Lindsey is gay
There's no other way
It's three men in a drunken fandagle.
In the days of the backroom coat hanger
When no condoms were used on their whanger
With Brett on the Court
We're pleased to report
He's America's star-spangled banger.
His penis never touched a vagina
Causing Lindsey bouts of angina
He claims he's not gay
But that's not the way
They do things in South Carolina.
Lindsey Graham just blew a fuse
But it was only a political ruse
To get a new job
Inside the Trump mob
So their problems he can diffuse.
Lindsey Graham's not going to China
In seach of a robotic vagina
Cause he already knew
When he must screw
There's glory holes in South Carolina.
If statutory rape's your thing
Give Judge Kavanaugh a ring
He'll take your case
Your crime he'll erase
And you won't owe him a thing.
There was a young man named Brett
Who partied without regret
With too much liquor
He tried to dick her
Leaving Hatch and Grassely upset.
They checked into a hotel room
But not as a bride and groom
Trump undid his zipper
Said, "Behold my big dipper!"
But instead it looked like a 'shroom.
Like Toad from Mario Cart
Miss Stormy did impart
To describe the penis
Of our "stable genius"
Who's also not that smart.
His background they tried to distort
To get Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court
But a perjurer and a rambler
And a midnight gambler
A nominee Senators must abort.
When sitting on the Court's your dream
Make sure your victims can't scream
With Dr. Ford's now talking
Soon Kavanaugh will be walking
Away from his girl's basketball team.
Brett went to a high school mixer
And drank some potent elixer
Then 30-years later
He's chasing Ruth Bader
When he's not all over Wolf Blitzer.
"It was the wettest we've ever seen
More water than a Russian stream"
But to our abhorrence
It's not Hurricane Florence
But Trump's Moscow shower scene.
The orange man with the misshaped penis
And a comb-over that's quite ingenious
He has Yeti-like pubes
And a pair of man-boobs
At a freak show you've already seen this.
There's a man on the Supreme Court
Who's a perjurer we must report
In prior confirmations
He gave false affirmations
Because it was his last resort.
When a Supreme Court Justice retires
They shouldn't be replaced with liars
So without any doubt
Take Kavanaugh out
Cause he worse than Harriet Miers.
There's something amiss with Brett
Cause his actions he'll soon regret
His penchant for perjury
Will require deft surgery
To keep from prison, we bet.
We know it took lots of spunk
For Stormy to describe Trump's junk
"A huge mushroom-shaped head
Smaller than normal," she said
"And when we finished, it really shrunk."
At a party Brett tried to score
He forced a young girl through a door
But she managed to escape
His attempted rape
A Justice with ethics no more.
Melania must now understand
For adultery she never planned
Stormy's penis description
Does not need encryption
That her knowledge came firsthand.
To all the women Trump's abused
And his behavior Melania excused
For not accepting your chronology
She owes you an apology
And must acknowledge he's rightly accused.
With more skeletons in Kavanaugh's closet
Expect more scandals, we posit
He was a heavy drinker
And at parties a stinker
So his drunken behavior will cause it.
Has Melania been made to feel sick
As "The Donald"‚ denied double quick
Are Stormy's claims bogus
On this feature of POTUS
Has he really a mushroom-shaped dick?-from viewer John S.
The Bible Belt vote for the Right
Helping Donald to fight the good fight
To the depths they're descending
When they condone ethnic cleansing
They must pray that Jesus ain't white-from viewer John S.
Trump's tweeting, it gets more absurd
He's often misspelling a word
He should learn from his betters
That capital letters
Don't help to polish a turd.-from viewer John S.
Do we really want Brett Kavanaugh
Who lies through his teeth and his jaw?
Won't he try to get laid
And screw Roe versus Wade
By nibbling away at the law?-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
In the closet Lindsey Graham does remain
After losing his buddy McCain
But he's now ogling the rump
Of Donald J. Trump
For any access he can gain.
He denied the hurricane's death toll
And said Democrats played a role
Their are so many lies
That Trump must disguise
From tweets coming out his asshole.
To his wives he was never monoginous
While attempting to remain autominous
But when an anomnous oped
Exploded in his head
His reaction was predictably onimous.
(Our take on another Trump malaprop)
They took Trump to a 12-step meeting
To cure his addiction to tweeting
The feeling was unonimous
At Twitter Anominous
A 13-steps he'd be needing.
(Another take on a Trump malaprop)
On the topic of 'DISASTER'
Trump certainly is the master
"Donald" would be a better name
For the next hurricane
Cause he destroys more and faster.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He knows at most a hundred baby words
"Disgraceful" and "unfair" he drops like turds.
The witches must've put a hex upon
Our moron's impoverished lexicon
But let's leave a formal word-count for the nerds.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
They said it was an inside job
Involving a White House mob
And one of their capers
Was stealing his papers
While he's fiddlin' with his nob.
Lady Justice will not fail
And soon we will regale
When the orange galoot
Wears a matching jumpsuit
And spends some time in jail.
Puerto Ricans were very grumpy
Their recovery had been too bumpy
After a strong blow job
Paper towels he did lob
One heckuva job, Trumpy!
They stand in their corner and whine
About a President on borrowed time
But they still do his bidding
So who are they kidding?
Republicans can't grow a spine.
Senators Sasse, Corker, and Flake
Are making a terrible mistake
With little disruption
In a cover-up they all partake.
If you attended an Ivy League college
Expecting to gain more knowledge
Take a look at Trump
Who's as dumb as a stump
It's something we all acknowledge.
The President with a 5th-grade mind
That isn't correctly aligned
How'd he graduate from college
With so little knowledge
It's his transcripts we need to find.
Truth isn't truth, declares Rudy
But he's only doing his duty:
So he lies and distracts
With alternate facts
While kissing the Dictator's booty.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
He vents like a belching volcano
A sewer pipe unflushed by Drano
The rot from his mouth
Shows his mind has gone south:
That mush that he has for a brain-o!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
To distract from those sins of his wiener's
He blames hordes of Mexican beaners
But why aid and abet him?
For soon we will get him
For high crimes and misdemeanors!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Oh, poor Sarah Huckabee Sanders!
The press corps is full of demanders
They want to know why
She does nothing but lie
And why to that moron she panders!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Whatever King Midas would hit
Turned to gold -- it just wouldn't quit!
But for Trump the reverse
A visceral curse:
What HE touches turns right to shit.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
The Kushner's played their role
Though their presence took a toll
At a funeral for a hero
Sat these two zeros
Like two turds in a punch bowl.
Over Trump an ill-wind blew
From the women he did screw
And others he did grope
When they told him "NOPE!"
Now Melania tweets #MeToo!
From Trump's mouth comes only drivel
Punctuated by a frequent snivel
Hearing Trump speak
Is not for the meek
Cause he's creating a war uncivil.
Compared to John, a Hero
Trump is a cowardly Zero
History will praise McCain
And flush Trump down the drain
Like Mao, Amin, and Nero.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Under Trump when Republicans speak
They always sound so weak
With no leadership left
They seem bereft
While heading up shit creek.
Trump has an enemy's list
But Republicans don't seem pissed
But upon reflection
There's a November election
After which they won't exist.
If you're visiting the White House
Make sure to button your blouse
Needs some relief
Cause Melania won't pleasure the louse.
In the White House there's a tanning bed
Where Agent Orange lays his head
Around his eyes he's white
Where goggles block light
While taking in the infrared.
Trump wanted to rule like King George
A white nation he promised to forge
But all his corruption
Brought too much disruption
And a book called Profiles in Scourge.
True patriots wanted to impeach
The orange man with the juvenile speech
"Beautiful this, beautiful that"
"No collusion, he's a rat"
He's the moron that no one can teach.
In the White House there's much dejection
But upon further reflection
The orange Germophobe
Has blown a lobe
And caused a staff infection.
With Omarosa Trump has met his doom
He wishes he could crawl into her womb
But alas, he can't molest her
So he's trying to arrest her
Flailing blindly towards his presidencys tomb.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
"Belgium is a beautiful city"
Said Trump in a recent ditty
He called Bhutan, "Button"
Whose main crop was mutton
His ignorance is something to pity.
At a grocery store Trump made a stop
For dinner he needed to shop
But without his ID
Or the right key
He was escorted out by a cop.
Since Trump's a vile sexist
His behavior won't perplex us
So if at age 72
He decides to screw
He'll discover there's nomo' erectus.
Carrying bibles to a Trump spectacle
They reject everything technical
They sell their soul
To an immoral asshole
Seeking answers from the Old Testicle.
He made women sign NDAs
His divorce records were sealed away
If these records were inspected
He wouldn't have been elected
And America would be okay.
An ode to Trump will be sung
'bout a man who wasn't well hung
So he relied on his wealth
To gratify himself
And to make himself feel young.
His black "enemies" he calls "Low IQ"
From Trump it's a racial view
Cause Maxine Waters
Is smarter than his daughters
And much wiser than Donald too.
Paul Ryan walked into a bar
In seaech of a Republican star
But instead he found nomads
With no real gonads
Cause his party is really subpar.
Omarosa cried Ma'ma Mia!
At Trump's verbal diarrhea
But there's no perscription
To cure his affliction
Called explosive Donorrhea.
He says that his genius is stable
That does seem to be a good label
Since stables are sources
Of droppings from horses
That word should stay right on the table!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Each time that the Donald starts lying
His huge brain heats up till it's frying
There's no kind of surgery
That works against perjury
He's hopeless, so why bother trying?-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Britain and England aren't the same
But Trump thinks they share one name
And he thinks Angola
And British Columbia borders Spain.
What's in a country's name?
Trump's geography is a shame
He thinks Angola
And North Vagina borders Maine.
Trump's fake hair is an easy call
His fake University took real gall
Trump Foundation was a fake
And a big mistake
And he's biggest fake of them all.
While walking the Tallahassee Trail
There's an observance that just can't fail
You'll see dancing flamingos
And really dumb gringos
And flamencos you can order by mail.
[This limerick is based on Trump malaprops confusing the bird flamingo with flamenco, the dance. And confusing the non-existant Tallahassee Trail with the well-known Appalachian Trail. While the Spanish word for flamingo is flamenco, Trump wouldn't know that.]
Trump's geography is a crying shame
Great Britain and UK aren't the same
And he thinks that England
Was an ancient kingdom
Once ruled by Saddam Hussein.
When Trump was unloading his snark
His bronzer began to spark
Then the lights went out
And his base did shout
When his face glowed in the dark.
The ties on the neck of the Skunk
Go all the way down to his junk
Traversing his belly
That swamp full of jelly
They hang around limp in his funk.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Trump's face is laced with rosacea
Needing makeup as hard as crustacea
That's orange and thick
To ensure it will stick
So no one can see his true fascia.
Compared to LeBron's physique
Trump's body is easy to critique
An orange flabby mass
And a humongous ass
And no muscle mass of to speak.
He's not smart enough for Mensa
And he has no common sensa
He's dumb as a stump
His name's Donald Trump
Is he dumber than Mike Pensa?
He's getting increasingly manic
As his flopsweat gives way to sheer panic
And now he's scared shitless
To be Mueller's witness
He feels like he's on the Titanic. -from Jim, Berkeley, CA
To a rally Trump brought Mr. Putin
Knowing his base would be rootin'
And to no one's surprise
And not Trump's demise
His base gave them a salutin'.
Telling Trump how tariffs work
Not the task for a low level clerk
Using simple flash cards
Junker tried really hard
To bend the mind of a jerk.
When Trump's on his Ritalin
He's only fair to middlin'
It's obvious to see
That it's A.D.D.
And nothing ends his belittlin'.
Trump's pajamas are made of flannel
On the rear there's a secret panel
That provides enough space
So that just in case
Putin will probe his back channel.
Said Trumpkin, beginning to bawl:
"Oh, why can't I have my nice wall?
To keep out the rapists
The greasers and papists
I want one that's ten stories tall!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
In his bathroom in Trump Tower
The seat of Presidential power
With gilded mixtures
Of ornate fixtures
Where you can take a golden shower.
Mused Trump, facing problems galore:
I'm afraid that the wolf's at my door
But when my world totters
I muddy the waters
So maybe I'll just start a war!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
We knew that the jerk was a hater
A grifter, a lying race-baiter
Now he licks Putin's booty
Like it's his sacred duty
So we see that he's really a traitor-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
At their summit held in Helsinki
We were hoping to hear something kinky
About prostitutes with Trump
That he wanted to hump
With a dick was as small as his pinkie.
When Trump left the Helsinki summit
His approval began to plummet
Cause it was all a charade
Not to give Putin shade
By committing treason, dadgummit!
Jim Jordan is the congressman's name
He's been lyin' to avoid any blame
He's in the same inferno
As Joe Paterno
Called the Coaches Hall of Shame.
Using weird mental contortion
Trump said there should be no abortion
But if his children are proof
He really did goof
With mistakes of major proportion.
Requiring mental contortion
Trump promised he'd ban abortion
To overturn Roe v. Wade
Was the promise he made
Even if it involved extortion.
On July 4th there was drizzle
And their marriage had lost its sizzle
So when Melania refused
To light Donald's fuse
His Roamin' candle did fizzle.
We're not sorry for you, Mr. Pruitt
You were riding so high, but you blew it!
You would travel first class
Now you're out on your ass
Your paranoid greed made you do it.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Trump tried to make the sale
About a Space Force that couldn't fail
Thinking with his penis
That he could land on Venus
But would Serena post his bail?
A ban against Muslims was sought
Even though it was legally fraught
Now all can see
Just how easily
The Supreme Court can be bought.
Evangelicals prey on white trash
Cause they'll easily part with their cash
They'll buy any fable
Like Cain and Abel
They're a truly deplorable cache.
Have you seen how the Trumpian signature
Goes so well with his hair's awful wig-nature?
Revealing his psyche:
A jagged malevolent pig-nature!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
At Merkel Trump threw some candy
An act from a jackass who's "randy."
But she wasn't amused
And felt quite abused
So now Trump's on slippery Sandy.
A pretty Mexican senorita
Walked out of her border casita
But the Feds snatched her child
It drove her hog wild
Cause they left to buy a fajita.
To Texas Melania flew
Wearing attire that nobody knew
Cause inside her jacket
Was a separate placket
That said: "I'm an illegal too!"
Snivelled Trump, breaking into a whine
"How unfair are these subjects of mine!
A few kids in cages
And they fly into rages
Can't they see that my right is divine?"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
An illiterate asshole named Trump
Tweets while he's taking a dump
Every ignorant twitter
Sent forth from his shitter
Shows his thoughts emanate from his rump.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Melania took a big chance
By marrying a geezer who rants
Soon everything went wrong
Because of his schlong
That he couldn't keep in his pants.
After Trump put them all down
Our G7 allies did frown
Tariffs he'd raise
And Putin he'd praise
Spoken like a jive ass clown.
LeBron said, "The White House we ain't' goin'
And Golden State won't be showin'
We've both got a beef
With the racist-in-chief
Plus the man does too much hoin'."
Trump met a girl named Harriett
They shacked up at the Marriott
With five kids and counting
Plus women he's mounting
In competition with Secretariat.
Dumpy Trumpy got no wall
So Dumpy Trumpy started a brawl
But Mueller's forces
Had more resources
Making Dumpy Trumpy take a big fall.
While pondering his reelection
Trump always gets an erection
Hearing Deplorables cheer
Always fills his ear
Leaving a funky confection.
D. J. Trump is dead, said the source
But before you fake some remorse
You won't be glad
Instead you'll be sad
Cause D. J. Trump was a horse.
Trump made the decision to choose
Actions that caused child abuse
Causing children pain
For political gain
Means there's something in his brain that's loose.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
The children in cages were crying
But Trump and his minions kept lying
When psychopaths rule
With so many they can fool
It’s a sign democracy is dying.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
If you were a whore named Melania
You'd want Donald off ya, not on ya
No mountains of gold
For the favors you've sold
Would be worth such disgusting phenomena.-Jim's daughter, Berkeley, CA
There was an old moron named Trump
With a mouth like a rank garbage dump
With hair like a mat
And rolling in fat
And a dick little more than a stump.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
On Twitter Trump did rant
No trip to the White House he'd grant
With reasons to hate
The team Golden State
And being posterized by Kevin Durant.
Being an ugly old man we know
With his tremendous amount of dough
A pretty woman would dread
Jumping into Trump's bed
Even if Melania said, "NO MO'!".
And then there is Predator Trump
Whose pants were too tight at his rump
So when he looked in back
They split down his crack
Making it easier to take a big dump.
A President with one qualification:
His infamous fornication
Will soon meet another
Who just killed his brother
So both need a nouveaucation.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump the lying master
Is a political disaster
In spite of his bleating
He’ll lose the meeting
Cause Kim’s brain works much faster.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Prostitutes, porn stars, and girls underage
Are the kinds of women that Trump did engage
So hush money he'd pay
To make them go away
Creating new lawsuits that took center stage.
On Fox News you'll always find Rudy
Cause lyin' for Trump's his duty
But he's old and senile
And someone to revile
And he's not as smart as Judge Judy.
A network with plenty of cash
Thought they would add to their stash
They brought back Roseanne
But it was a terrible plan
That's typical trailer trash.
There are many Trump apologists
Including Evangelical theologists
But they'll rue the day
When they went astray
As subjects for criminologists.
In his campaign, Trump claimed was a spy
And that was another big lie
Wanting to trash the Feds
Cause he was off his meds
And he ain't gonna testify!
Pulling out of Syria, not so easy
In fact it made Trump queasy
Not the Syrian nation
But a girl he'd been chasin'
In an affair that was so sleazy.
And then there's Michael Cohen
The FBI just seized his phone
A good lawyer he'll seek
Cause he's up shit creek
And he'll continue to piss and moan.
The prostitutes went to Trump's room
They were invited we must assume
To pee on his bed
Like the dossier said
And to tape it for all to consume.
The EPA head Scott Pruitt
Was so corrupt that everyone knew it
But when asked to repay
He said "I just may
As soon as I get around to it."
David Pecker knew what to do
About women Trump did screw
But Pecker went limp
After he tried to skimp
So their stories came out anew.
[David Pecker owns the company that publishes the National Enquirer tabloid who paid for stories just to kill them to protect Trump]
The reason he sucks off Putin
Is because Trump needs his gluten
Even though Big Macs
Make good snacks
They're more fatty than what Putin's shootin'.--from viewer Ed, Livonia, MI.
Ronny Jackson had reason to fear
That his finger would go up here
But his VA appointment
Changed his annointment
To Trump's Admiral of the Rear.
There once was this guy named Trump
Who had a Russian cock up his rump
On a toilet he'd sit
Intending to shit
But it stopped him from taking a dump.--from viewer Ed, Livonia, MI
He introduced her as Marilyn Lockheed
Another Trump faux pas indeed
Her last name was Hewson
Some obvious confusion
From a President who just can't read.
[Marilyn Hewson is the CEO and President of Lockheed Martin Corp.]
"They can't be seen," Mr. Trump quips
Describing our stealth flying ships
But they were only shrouded
Cause his eyes were clouded
From staring at a solar eclipse.
Every citizen understood
The legend of Robin Hood
But Trump's main pitch
Was to give to the rich
And take from the poor...NOT GOOD!
Donald Trump has made it quite evident
You don't have to be smart to be President
No need to know history
When your job is no mystery
Tweet often, tell lies, cause unsettlement.--from viewer Debbie Hecht, Berkeley, CA
At Sea World with Sean Hannity
Trump experienced a real calamity
They fell into a tank
And both of them sank
And were mistaken for two fat Manatees.
While riding around with Sean Hannity
Trump experienced a real calamity
Sean lit a cigar
That blew up their car
So we tweet: "Oh the Humanity!"
They jumped off board in a panic
A scene reported as "manic"
Very few survived
Or came out alive
From his White House....NOT the Titanic!
Trump's last "Art of the Deal"
Is a tariff on aluminum and steel
He can’t get any head
While in his own bed
So it's everyone else who must squeal. --from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Spending time fussing with hair
Applying makeup with none to spare
But it's not some chick
It's the White House dick
Trump's manly? Au contraire!
Hope leaving puts the White House in gloom
A sick presidency facing certain doom
Will Stormy replace Hope?
Is Trump such a dope?
Our cameras must be ready to zoom.--from a viewer
The White House claimed a reprieve
From a President intent to deceive
About the Porter scandal
And Stormy Daniels
While Floridians continue to grieve.
After Valentine’s bloody day
Trump promised he'd pray
Knowing there’d be a next
He was sure of his text:
“God Bless the N.R.A.” --from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
General Kelly just needs to quit
He never was a really good fit
The words of a bigot
Pour out of his spigot
Leaving a four star pile of shit.
Everyone had to stare
At a video that was quite rare
Boarding Air Force One
His rug came undone
Proving the emperor has no hair.
He went to the Garden that night
To watch a heavyweight fight
But Don Jr. didn't know
There was a Kennel Club show
And was rejected for his overbite.
He went on a Trumpian tirade
Demanding a military parade
With missiles and tanks
And some of his skanks
Taking part in another charade.
And again there's General Kelly
Devin Nunes' underbelly
Risking national security
For redacted impurity
When the FBI said, "WHOA NELLY!"
Trump tried to borrow a Van Gogh
But the Guggenheim told him, "No!"
They said: "All you'll get
Is this golden toilet
That befits your gaudy show."
With a porn star he had an affair
What no germaphobe would dare
But she had large breasts
So Trump ignored the rest
And no condom he did wear.
To his room came Stormy Daniels
Wearing a pair of gold sandals
Trump opened the door
Intending to score
So he showed her his cocker named Spaniel.
The porn star was Stormy Daniels
A product of many sex manuals
But her affair with Trump
Gave her a sore rump
And for him another sex scandal.
Trump had a brief affair
With a porn star with blonde hair
A President's tryst
That everyone missed
Yet no one seems to care.
There are no Norwegian maracas
But there is a Republican caucus
Xenophobic and crude
With a bad attitude
That's raucus and tries to faucus.
Behind the White House doors
There's merely political whores
They're spineless and weak
And who never speak
To a President they all abhor.
Senator Perdue and Senator Cotton
Are both completely rotten
They lied about a meeting
With Trump seething
About countries he wanted forgotten.
After Melania had his child
Her body Donald reviled
Reduced to arm candy
To many looked dandy
But his cheating drove her wild.
Shithole sounds rough
For Trump it means 'tough'
The workings of his mind
Is not of a normal kind.
So excuses are not enough. --from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Is his button the Biggest of All?
Or is it his hands that are small?
No business gets done
While he tweets about Jong Un
And his own Big and Beautiful Wall. --from viewer Ole, Denmark
They call him the Tangerine Don,
He bragged all he needed was brawn
He provoked Kim Jong Un
Now we'll all be dead soon
Trump's king and we are the pawns.--from viewer in New Jersey
Trump boasts of mental stability
Amid signs of startling debility
He doesn’t have a clue
About what's really true.
The symptoms of senility.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
There once was a President Trump
Whose dick was too small to hump
So he strapped on a dildo
All covered in mildew
That destroyed the rest of his stump.
There once was a President Trump
Who needed to take a dump
So he grabbed his phone
And let out a groan
And a tweet came out of his rump.
Their tax bill passed too quickly
Leaving millions of people too sickly
But GOP donors
Got really big boners
From a situation now quite prickly.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
When "standard" on a reef
Sailors need some relief
The "stranded" survive
When help arrives
Despite their commander-in-chief.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
"Through" their lives that were cut short
"Though" Trump provided a retort
With sniffing and mumbling
And words he was jumbling
We'll wonder what he did snort.
Their tax bill passed by golly!
And Republicans acted so jolly
But it definitely appears
In just a few years
It'll be called Trump's Folly.
Roy Moore rode in on his horse
To cast his ballot of course
His horse was a mare
But she didn't care
When she was groped with unusual force.
Roy Moore rode Miss Sassy to the poll
But she was not under his control
Miss Sassy's not a horse
But a young girl of course
Who couldn't provide him a foal.
Roy Moore rode his horse in the rain
And he grabbed her by the mane
She bucked and weaved
And got really peeved
Apparently Roy needs some reins.
Mnuchin and his wife at the mint
With a sheet of dollar bills in print
An image of greed
And all the money they've spent.
Experts called his tax bill silly
Cause it was crafted so willy nilly
The cuts were skewed
So we all got screwed
But his donors said "Dilly, Dilly!"
Federal agents he attacked on Twitter
In a voice all whiny and bitter
With Mueller stalking
And Flynn talking
Trump knows he's down the shitter.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
Trump spoke about a "word" of nations
To a "world" with low expectations
It's clear he can't read
A problem indeed
From a man with low education.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
They sacrifice for the "furniture" of their kids
Did he mean: high chairs, strollers, and cribs?
Again Trump mis-spoke
His grammar's a joke
And now his approval's on the skids.
A tax cut for Chistmas his goal
Putting the deficit into a hole
Only the rich will gain
From everyone's pain
In your stocking a big lump of coal.
Russian prostitutes went to Trump's suite
To perform an abnormal feat
They peed on a bed
Like the dossier said
He's the "Leader of the Pee World", we tweet.
While in China, Trump the old fop
Known as Mr. Malaprop
Hailed a Rexis and a Rincoln
Which got his staff thinkin'
He requires a verbal cop.
Roy Moore strolled around the Mall
To young girls saying, "Hi! Ya'll!"
Now a rabbi and a preacher
Have defended this creature
There's a dark place in Hell for them all.
He skulked around Gadsden Mall
To young girls saying "Hi! Ya'll!"
It seems his perversion
Is girls who are virgin
Which Roy Moore calls: "Urban Sprawl".
God spoke to Judge Roy Moore
Cause pedophilia he couldn't ignore
"Thou shalt not grope
You fake pious dope
The entrance to Hell's through that door!"
When Trump went to Beijing
He was received like a king
He came to barter
But Chinese are smarter
So he didn’t accomplish a thing.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump stood on The Wall
Exclaiming: "Is this all?
Mine will be bigger!"
It made Xi snigger:
"Brains are not given to all!"--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump Steaks were branded elite
Ones only a carnivore would eat
But after Mueller's decision
And Trump now in prison
He can only beat his own meat.
Harvey Weinstein created a mess
That Fox News couldn't address
So Ailes and O'Reilly
Had to act slyly
To avoid hyprocrisy, we guess....
The Whitefish company was dinky
But it got help from Ryan Zinke
Fixing the power grid
Their contract's no-bid
So now that deal looks stinky.
Confined to his daycare nursery
With knowledge only cursory
Trump did state
"Isn't it just great!
I've never seen such 'diversary.'"
Trump said he belonged in Mensa
But to Tillerson it made no sensa
So between me and you
The Donald's IQ
Is even lower then that of Mike Pence's.
While working in the White House
Gen. Kelly continued to grouse
The old pussy-grabber
And notorious back-stabber
Made it certain he'd never de-louse.
An "empty barrel" was the term he used
For a congresswoman the General abused
Gen. Kelly's a shmuck
Willing to pass the buck
For a President who has a short fuse.
A "fucking moron" was the phrase used
And a label that was not abused
Tillerson spoke the truth
Even though uncouth
About the President who wasn't amused.
The National Rifle Addiction
Is not a new affliction
With deaths in the millions
And costs in the billions
For Trump's Congress a Benediction.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
When Donald wanted sex she'd scoff
Pretending she had a bad cough
What's Trump to do
If Melania won't screw
And his hands are too small to jack-off?
No one should act surprised
That Trump is widely despised
Now the NFL
Can't stand his smell
Which can no longer be disguised.
White supremacists and Jesus freaks
Are to whom the GOP speaks
But attracting this scum
Requires more chum
And new race-baiting techniques.
Kim Jong-Un is quite the bard
Calling Donald a deranged dotard
What everyone sees
Is a U.S. disease
That elected an orange tub of lard.
White supremacists are his friends
But it's not where this story ends
Pardoning Sheriff Joe
Was a horror show
What happens next Depends?
Concerned with the size of his prick
Trump went to see Peter Dick
Willie putz with his dong
To make his schlong long
So his cock-eyed Johnson will tick?
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
Trump said, "No more amnity!"
While talking with Sean Hamesty
He then said, "Forment"
Instead of "Foment"
His vocabulary is a "Tramnesty."
There was a president named Trump
Who tweeted while taking a dump
So they grabbed his phone
And made him lie prone
So someone could wipe his rump.
There was a President named Trump
Who tweeted while taking a dump
So they took his phone
And made him lie prone
And said: "Someone unplug this chump!"
When Trump rode into town
People began to frown
Some were sad
But most were mad
That voters elected this clown.
White nationalists in Trump's base
Think they're a superior race
They made a pact with the devil
The same as did Neville
Forever they'll live in disgrace.
Even with a security clearance
Trump speaks with incoherence
Like a fleeting ghost
Wished for by most
To make a quick disappearance.
There was an old fraudster called Trump
Who inherited a dirty great lump
He bought the election
And then on reflection
Spent four years taking a dump.--from a viewer
As Trump grows ever more bitter
And continues to whine on Twitter
There isn't much hope
To control this dope
Without a young babysitter.
Big bags are under his eyes
With a belly large in size
Despite all the weight
Trump thinks he looks great
Holy Mackerel! Look at those thighs!
The Nazis will salute
And the Klu Klux Klan will root
Trump's their man
Despite his plan
To take away all their loot.
Trump Trash roams the streets
But no mention in his tweets
In function as President
He is utterly negligent
All empty words, no deeds.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
They feed Trump positive news
To help reinforce his views
"The White House is strong"
"Fake News is wrong"
Because his ego is huge.
Positive images appear in a folder
But Trump demands it be bolder
He must look strong
With a big hard dong
Looking younger but never older.
Common decency Trump was forsaking
While Boy Scout parents were shaking
Trashing Hillary and Obama
Was quite the drama
For young Deplorables in the making.
What Scaramucci hurled was vulgarity
At Priebus and Bannon with clarity
A mind not too quick
Using mafia shtick
To his boss there's a great similarity.
Donald Trump's primary fame
Has brought him mostly shame
And if he gets caught
Over something he wrought
Someone else will be to blame.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump told all the Boy Scouts
Some of his infamous bouts
Because his qualifications
Were his many deflorations
They heard the behavior of a lout.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He went up like a balloon
Even though he was a buffoon
Was some accident
That should be punctured soon.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
There once was a fellow named Trump
Who lived to ogle the rumps
Of underdressed minors
And grab their vaginas
When he burst in and made them all jump.--from viewer Johnny
Donald Jr. held a short meeting
With Russians he was greeting
He thought he'd get dirt
To make Hillary hurt
But instead he got caught in a cheating.
Trump turns to the past
Leaving wiser men aghast
With all his bleating
His country he’s cheating
'America will come in Last'--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump's strongest backer
Is a man named David Pecker
But what's in a name?
His fake news a shame
His soul's increasingly blacker.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump's biggest omission
Is his utter lack of vision
He’s an Evil Clown
Taking America down
Dumping him an easy decision.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
When there's an onslaught of criticism
He seeks refuge in Vladimir's jizm
But that's nothing compared
To the cum that he'll share
With the guy with whom he's in prison.--from viewer Ed Ehren, Michigan
In his golf course clubhouse halls
Trump's Time cover hangs on the walls
But it's a total fake
That was easy to make
By someone with dimpled balls.
Republicans allow Trump to reign
"He's our President," they maintain
Like mobster Dons
Who've got more Khans (cons)
Then a phone book from Bahrain.
Trump's nocturnal emissions,
Tweeted as petulant transmissions,
FOX praise for ejaculations
Count as huuuge "Congratulations!"
Truth: portents of failing cognition.--from a viewer, Thanks!
His behavior was audacious
For someone not sagacious
Trump's crude and rude
And extremely lewd
And also quite salacious.
The dumb son-in-law said, "make your move!
It willl get you back in the groove"
So Comey was fired
And Trump was mired
In a crime that was easy to prove.
The flabby fat face of the crook
Is not an attractive look
And many more Chins
Then a huge Chinese phone book.
Trump took a trip to Boston
Riding in a very small Austin
The car wasn't wide
So he tilted to one side
And his balls hung so low he lost 'em.
At the zoo Trump spent the day
Stopping at the Orang's display
Where a boy named Brad
Yelled out to his dad
"Hey look! One just got away!"
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Proud of his Rebel possessions
And full of bigotry
That's easy to see
Cause he hasn't learned any lessons.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Not used to making concessions
But this racist elf
Had to recuse himself
To prevent further discussions.
When Session became the AG
He was not entirely free
To protect the President
When it was clearly evident
His crimes were for all to see.
At NATO Trump failed, they said
When he spoke off the top of his head
All his bad views
And unfortunate news
Were the words of a man to dread.
As a youngster an indolent child
As an adult reckless and wild
Now this 70-year old
We've all been told
Is someone to be reviled.
Trump got away with schemes
Now he's in big trouble it seems
All his sexcopades
And financial charades
For him are common themes.
More stamina than Hillary, he boasted
But the video was already posted
While others would stride
Trump hitched a ride
With no energy left he coasted.
Donald and his family aren't smart
Their diplomas are mostly faux "art"
With ignorance abounding
It's quite astounding
No brains and even less heart.
Trump wears an extremely long tie
Mostly red or blue as the sky
It hangs down a notch
And covers his crotch
Lest he forgets to zip-up his fly.
Trump lost the popular vote
But still continues to gloat
Three million votes less
One must confess
Is not a mandate to note.
If you reward psychotic behavior
You're not doing youself a favor
While religions may preach
Extreme out reach
Trump is not your savior.
As his golf game began to sputter
Foul language Trump would utter
But Melania was crafty
In handling his shafty
And straightened out his putter.
Trump is a very loose cannon
It's why he hired Steve Bannon
But he clashed with Kushner
And fell on his Tushner
So Trump found a new stand-in.
If hookers peed on his bed
Just like the dossier said
Trump's attempt to degrade
Where Obama once laid
If true, his presidency's dead.
Trump wanted James Comey fired
When he thought Trump Tower was wired
But it's a Russian probe
Of his frontal lobe
Why a mental exam is required.
Their horse broke down at the gate
So the GOP pondered its fate
Stick with the nag
Watch poll numbers sag
Or pasture him before it's too late.
There once was a man from New York
Well known as the magnificent dork
But if weight does matter
And he gets any fatter
He'll look like the planet of Ork.
He thought being President a game
That would surely enhance his fame
Like Russian Roulette
And much to his regret
He won - it's a national shame.
As a politician Trump is crass
But Republicans give him a pass
Terrible in school
And a complete fool
Llightening shoots out his ass.
His slogans were a flash in the pan
The antithesis of "Yes We Can"
We all miss Obama
With a lot less drama
But at least they both got good tans.
There once was a man from Queens
Who grew up with really big dreams
But he was such a big liar
His pants caught on fire
And his ass broke out of the seams.
While eating his beautiful cake
Mr. Xi knew Trump was a fake
The missiles were a Go!
But were all for show
And an $80 million dollar mistake.
Known as a self-dealing clown
By everyone in his home town
But in the midwest
Cut-off from the rest
The word never got around.
They turn a blind eye to each crime
Unwilling to drop one dime
Send Trump to prison
An easy decision
And Republicans must also do time.
They'll drive us all in a ditch
Using the old bait-and-switch
This self-dealing clan
Has its own plan
Protecting this son-of-a-bitch!
Sporting a bad haircut
And always dragging his butt
Trump sniffs and barks
Please muzzle this mangy mutt!
Republicans were just too craven
Putting up with his misbehavin'
They established a norm
Of a daily shit storm
And now there is no safe haven.
They couldn't keep their stories straight
On the reasons for Comey's fate
But the truth is out
And it's all about
A storm that just won't abate.
It was a slogan ignorance bought
That was always terribly fraught
Promote fear and hate
Make America great
Was not what our forefathers taught.
Foreigners stay in his hotel
And it really has a bad smell
If you scratch the back
Of this political hack
Pay-to-play will ring Trump's bell.
They identified with the food he ate
The same junk food on their plate
Buckets of fried chicken
That would only quicken
The way people gain lots of weight.
When Melania and Trump first wed
Her boobs were too small he said
But they grew from a B
To a large double D
But now she won't sleep in his bed.
Off to the Vatican Trump went
Some time with the Pope he spent
For his fornication
Not to mention he won't repent.
Big bags are under his eyes
A double chin he can't disguise
He's way too fat
Can't argue with that
He's flabbable we must surmise.
Nobody likes Ted Cruz
But that's yesterday's news
But upon reflection
On the country's direction
The GOP's full of loose screws.
Trump thinks himself a hero
But his feats are nearly zero
“If the Pope denies me grace
I’ll burn down this place”
Like a newborn Roman Nero.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
A wealthy old bastard called Trump,
Whose brain was a calcified lump,
Was elected one day,
By Putin some say,
Who tells him how high he should jump.--from viewer James J Karaganis, Schaumburg, IL
A man who we'll call The Don,
Once mastered the Art of the Con,
The truth must be told,
Our country's been sold!
And now our Republic is gone.--from viewer James J Karaganis, Schaumburg, IL
It made a big impression
Trump going to confession
Much time it did take
To sort out the fake
Altogether a very long session.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump loves his gold it's true
And even the Russians knew,
So they sprayed him with pee
And he smiled with glee
Now his face is golden too!--from a viewer
There once was a president Trump
Whose ethics were all in his rump.
When he couldn't make Comey
His personal homey
He just took him down to the dump.--from viewer Barbara Kunkel in Maine