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Anti-Donald Trump Limericks

Please submit your limerick to add to our collection. Make sure to include any information you want us to use to credit your submission and check the box to let us know to do that. [You must disable any pop-up blockers to submit your limerick to us or use our contact form to do that.] You will want to visit the Poet's Corner to check out their collection of Trump limericks.

This collection now contains over 200 Trump and Trump-related limericks and will keep expanding with new ones at the top. Use the Next button at bottom of this page to read earlier limericks in this collection.

NEWDownload and play for free our new, original, and nasty Trump tune called Bad Trump using lyrics from our own Trump limericks.

Pulling out of Syria wasn't so easy
In fact it made Trump queasy
Not the Syrian nation
But a porn star on vacation
In an affair that was awfully sleazy.

And then there's Michael Cohen
The FBI just seized his phone
His days are numbered
And his life encumbered
Leaving him to piss and moan.

The prostitutes who went to Trump's room
Were invited we all must assume
To pee on his bed
Like the dossier said
And to tape it for all to consume.

The EPA head Scott Pruitt
Got caught bilking taxpayers and knew it
But when asked to repayz
He said "I just may
As soon as I get around to it."

David Pecker knew what to do
About the women Trump did screw
But Pecker went limp
After he tried to skimp
And their stories came out anew.
[David Pecker owns the company that publishes the National Enquirer tabloid who paid for stories just to kill them to protect Trump]


The reason he sucks off Putin
Is because Trump needs his gluten
Even though Big Macs
Make good snacks
They're more fatty than what Putin's shootin'.--from viewer Ed, Livonia, MI.

Ronny Jackson had reason to fear
That his finger would go in here
But his VA appointment
Changed his annointment
To Trump's Admiral of the Rear.

There once was this guy named Trump
Who had a Russian cock up his rump
On a toilet he'd sit
Intending to shit
But it stopped him from taking a dump.--from viewer Ed, Livonia, MI

He introduced her as Marilyn Lockheed
Another Trump faux pas indeed
Her last name was Hewson
Some obvious confusion
From a President who refuses to read.
[Marilyn Hewson is the CEO and President of Lockheed
Martin Corp.]

"They can't be seen," came from his lips
When talking about stealth flying ships
But these jets were only shrouded
When Trump's eyes were clouded
From staring at a solar eclipse.

Every citizen understood
The legend of Robin Hood
But Trump's main pitch
Was to give to the rich
And take from the poor...NO GOOD!


Donald Trump has made it quite evident
You don't have to be smart to be President
No need to know history
When your job is no mystery
Tweet often, tell lies, cause unsettlement.--from viewer Debbie Hecht, Berkeley, CA

Trump follows the lead of Sean Hannity
Two men suffering from vanity
With both their views
Derivcd from fake news
We're expecting a big calamity.

They jumped off board in a panic
An atmosphere reported as "manic"
Very few survived
Or came out alive
From Trump's White House....NOT the Titanic!

Trump's last "Art of the Deal"
Is a tariff on aluminum and steel
He can’t get any head
While in his own bed
So it's everyone else who must squeal.
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Spending lots of time fixing the hair
Applying makeup with none to spare
Not talking about some chick
It's the White House dick
Think Trump's so manly? Au contraire!

Hope leaving puts the White House in gloom
A sick presidency facing certain doom
Will Stormy replace Hope?
Is Trump such a dope?
Our cameras much be ready to zoom.--from a viewer

They said would be a reprieve
From a White House aiming to deeeive
About the Porter scandal
And Stormy Daniels
While Floridians continue to grieve.


After Valentine’s bloody day
Trump promised he'd pray
Knowing there’d be a next
He was sure of his text:
“God Bless the N.R.A.”
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

General Kelly needs to quit
He never was a good fit
The words of a bigot
Pour out of his spigot
Leaving a four star pile of shit.

Everyone had to stare
At a video that was quite rare
Boarding Air Force One
Trump's rug came undone
Proving the emperor has no hair.

To Madison Square Garden he went that night
Hoping to watch a heavyweight fight
But Donald Jr. didn't know
There was a Kennel Club show
And he'd been rejected for his bad overbite.

Trump went on a tirade
Demanding a military parade
With missiles and tanks
Led by more of his skanks
Taking part in another charade.

And again there's General Kelly
Devin Nunes' underbelly
Risking national security
For redacted impurity
After the FBI said, "WHOA NELLY!"

Trump tried to borrow a Van Gogh
But the Guggenheim told him, "No!"
They said: "All you'll get
Is this gold toilet
That will suit your gaudy show."

With a porn star he had an affair
Something a germaphobe not dare
She had large breasts
Trump ignored the rest
And no condom he did wear.

To his room came Stormy Daniels
Wearing her leather gold sandals
Trump opened the door
Intending to score
So he showed her his cocker named Spaniel.

The porn star was Stormy Daniels
Her craft perfected from sex manuals
But her affair with Trump
Gave her a sore rump
And for him another sex scandal.

Trump had another affair
With a porn star with blonde hair
A President's tryst
That everyone missed
Yet no one seems to care.

There are no Norwegian maracas
But there is a Republican caucus
Xenophobic and crude
With a bad attitude
And they're raucus and want to faucus.

Behind the White House doors
There's merely political whores
They're spineless and weak
And never speak
To a President they all abhor.

Senator Perdue and Senator Cotton
Are both completely rotten
They lied about a meeting
Where Trump was seething
About countries he wanted forgotten.

After Melania had his child
Her body Donald reviled
Reduced to arm candy
That to many looked dandy
Though his cheating still drives her wild.

Shithole sounds rough
For Trump it means 'tough'
The workings of his mind
Is not of a normal kind.
So excuses are not enough.
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Is his button the Biggest of All?
Or is it his hands that are small?
No business gets done
While he tweets about Jong Un
And his own Big and Beautiful Wall. --from viewer Ole, Denmark

They call him the Tangerine Don,
He bragged all he needed was brawn
He provoked Kim Jong Un
Now we'll all be dead soon
Trump's king and we are the pawns.--from viewer in New Jersey

Trump boasts of mental stability
Amid signs of startling debility
He doesn’t have a clue
About what's really true.
The symptoms of senility.
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

There once was a President Trump
Whose dick was too small to hump
So he strapped on a dildo
But it was covered in mildew
And it ate away the rest of his stump.

There once was a President Trump
Who needed to take a dump
So he grabbed his phone
And let out a groan
And a tweet came out of his rump.

Their tax bill passed too quickly
Leavng 13 million people sickly
But rich GOP donors
Got really big boners
Their reward for sucking
Trump's dickly.

Based on an actual Trump malaprop
When "standard" on a reef
What sailor doesn't feel relief
Cause the "stranded" survive
When help arrives
Despite a faux commander in chief.

Based on an actual Trump malaprop
"Through" their lives that were cut short
"Though" Trump had to retort
With sniffing and mumbling
And words he was jumbling
We wonder what he did snort.

Their tax bill passed by golly!
And Republicans acted so jolly
But it definitely appears
In just a few years
It will be known as Trump's Folly.

Roy Moore rode in on his horse
To cast his ballot of course
His horse was a mare
But she didn't care
When he groped her with unusual force.

He rode Miss Sassy to the poll
But she was not under his control
Miss Sassy's not Roy's horse
But a young girl of course
Who couldn't provide him a foal.


Roy Moore rode Miss Sassy in the rain
And he grabbed her by the mane
She bucked and weaved
And got really peeved
When he was aroused by all her pain.

Mnuchin and his wife at the mint
With a sheet of dollar bills in print
An image of greed
And entitlement indeed
And all the money they've spent.

Experts called Trump's tax bill silly
Cause it was drafted so willy nilly
The cuts were all skewed
So the middle class was screwed
But his donors said "Dilly, Dilly!"

He attacked the FBI on Twitter
In a voice all whiny and bitter
With Mueller stalking
And Flynn talking
Trump knows he's down the shitter.


Based on an actual Trump malaprop
Trump spoke about a "word" of nations
To a "world" with lowered expectations
It's clear he can't read
A major problem indeed
And now we're all out of patience.

Based on an actual Trump malaprop
They sacrifice for the "furniture" of their kids
Did he mean: high chairs, strollers, and cribs?
Again Trump mis-spoke
His grammar's a joke
Explains why his approval's on the skids.

A beautiful tax cut for Chistmas his goal
Putting the deficit in a big hole
Only the rich will gain
The rest will feel pain
In your stocking a big lump of coal.


Russian prostitutes went to Trump's suite
To perform an abnormal feat
They peed on a bed
Like the dossier said
He's our "Leader of the Pee World", we tweet.

While in China, Trump the fop
Well known as Mr. Malaprop
Hailed a Rexis and a Rincoln
Which got his staff thinkin'
Does he require a verbal cop?

Roy Moore hung around Gadsden Mall
To young girls saying, "Hi! Ya'll!"
Now a rabbi and a preacher
Have defended this creature
There's a special place in Hell for them all.

He skulked around Gadsden Mall
To young girls saying "Hi! Ya'll!"
No escaping his perversion
For young ass that was virgin
Which to Roy Moore meant "urban sprawl".

He claimed China gave him a cataract
Then boasted of his no free trade act
He bought a Rexis and a Rincoln
Which got his staff thinkin'
Are we sure Trump didn't mean "Cadillac"?


To Democrats his tax bill he shilled
Claiming if passed "he'd get killed"
But no wealthy will suffer
Including the "Orange Duffer"
So if he'll die, pass the bill, be thrilled!

God spoke to Judge Roy Moore
Cause pedophilia he could not ignore
"Thou shalt not grope
You fake pious dope
The entrance to Hell's through that door!"


When Trump went to Beijing
He was received like a king
He came to barter
But Chinese are smarter
So he didn’t accomplish a thing.
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Trump stood on The Wall
Exclaiming: "Is this all?
Mine will be bigger!"
It made Xi snigger:
"Brains are not given to all!"
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Trump Steaks were branded for the elite
Something only a carnivore would eat
But after Mueller's decision
And Trump now in prison
He can only beat his own meat.

Harvey Weinstein created a mess
That Fox News couldn't address
Because of Ailes and O'Reilly
They had to act slyly
To avoid being hypocrites, I guess....

The Whitefish company was dinky
When it got help from Ryan Zinke
Their contract was no-bid
To fix the power grid
But now that whole deal looks stinky.

While confined to his daycare nursery
With knowledge only cursory
Trump was overheard to state
"Isn't it just great!
I've never seen such 'diversary.'"

Trump said he belonged in Mensa
But to Tillerson it made no sensa
So between me and you
The Donald's IQ
Is even lower than Mike Pence's.

While working in the White House
Gen. Kelly continued to grouse
With an old pussy-grabber
And notorious back-stabber
He'll never be able to de-louse.

An "empty barrel" was the term he used
For a congresswoman that he abused
Gen. Kelly's a shmuck
Willing to pass the buck
For a President with a short fuse.

A "fucking moron" was the phrase he used
A label that was not abused
Tillerson spoke the truth
Even though uncouth
About the President who wasn't amused.

The National Rifle Addiction
Is not a new affliction
With deaths in the millions
And costs in the billions
For Trump's Congress a Benediction.
--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

When Donald wanted sex she would scoff
Or pretend to have a really bad cough
What's Trump to do
When Melania won't screw
And his hands are too small to jack-off?

No one should act surprised
That Trump is widely despised
Now the NFL
Can't stand his smell
Which can no longer be disguised.

White supremacists and Jesus freaks
Are to whom the GOP speaks
But attracting this scum
Requires more chum
And new deplorable techniques.

Kim Jong-Un is quite the bard
Calling Donald a deranged dotard
What everyone sees
Is a U.S. disease
That elected an orange tub of lard.

White supremacists are his friends
But it's not where this story ends
Pardoning Sheriff Joe
Was a horror show
What happens next Depends?

Concerned with the size of his prick
Trump went to see Peter Dick
Willie putz with his dong
And make his schlong long
So his cock-eyed Johnson will tick?

Based on an actual Trump malaprop
Trump said, "No more amnity!"
While talking with Sean Hamesty
He then said, "Forment"
Instead of "Foment"
His vocabulary is a "Tramnesty."


There was a president named Trump
Who tweeted while taking a dump
So they grabbed his phone
And made him lie prone
So someone could wipe his rump.

Another version:
There was a President named Trump
Who tweeted while taking a dump
So Kelly took his phone
And made him lie prone
Then said: "Somebody unplug this chump!"

When Trump rode into town
People began to frown
Some were sad
But most were mad
That voters elected this clown.

White supremacists who are Trump's base
Think they're a superior race
They made a pact with the devil
The same as by Neville
Forever they will be a disgrace.

Trump speaks with incoherence
Even with a security clearance
Like a fleeting ghost
Wished for by most
To make a quick disappearance.

There was an old fraud called Trump
Who inherited a dirty great lump
He bought the election
And then on reflection
Spent four years taking a dump.--from a viewer

As Trump grows more bitter
And continues to whine on Twitter
There isn't much hope
To control this dope
Without a babysitter.

Big bags are under his eyes
With a belly large in size
Despite all the weight
Trump thinks he looks great
Holy Mackerel! Look at those thighs!

The Nazis will salute
And the Klu Klux Klan will root
Trump's their man
Despite his plan
To take away all their loot.

Trump Trash roams the streets
But no mention in his tweets
In function as President
He is utterly negligent
All empty words, no deeds.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

They feed Trump positive news
To help reinforce his views
"The White House is strong"
"Fake News is wrong"
Because his ego is huge.

Positive images appear in a folder
But Trump demands it be bolder
He must look strong
With a big hard dong
Looking younger but never older.

Common decency Trump was forsaking
While Boy Scout parents were shaking
Trashing Hillary and Obama
Was quite the drama
For young Deplorables in the making.

What Scaramucci hurled was vulgarity
At Priebus and Bannon with clarity
With his mafia shtick
He's a real prick
To his boss there's a great similarity.

Donald Trump's primary fame
Has brought him mostly shame
And if he gets caught
Over something he wrought
Someone else will be to blame.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Trump told all the Boy Scouts
Some of his infamous bouts
Because his qualifications
Were his many deflorations
They heard the behavior of a lout.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

He went up like a balloon
Even though he was a buffoon
Becoming President
Was some accident
That should be punctured soon.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

There once was a fellow named Trump
Who lived to ogle the rumps
Of underdressed minors
And grab their vaginas
When he burst in and made them all jump.--from viewer Johnny

Donald Jr. held a meeting
Putin's Russians he was greeting
He thought he'd get dirt
To make Hillary hurt
But instead he got caught in a cheating.

Trump turns to the past
Leaving wiser men aghast
With all his bleating
His country he’s cheating
'America will come in Last'--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Trump's strongest backer
Is a man named David Pecker
But what's in a name?
His fake news a shame
His soul's increasingly blacker.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Trump's biggest omission
Is his utter lack of vision
He’s an Evil Clown
Taking America down
Dumping him an easy decision.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

When there's an onslaught of criticism
He seeks refuge in Vladimir's jizm
But that's nothing compared
To the cum that he'll share
With the guy with whom he's in prison.--from viewer Ed Ehren, Michigan

In his golf course clubhouse halls
Trump's Time cover hangs on the walls
But it's a total fake
That was easy to make
By someone with dimpled balls.

Though the President was insane
Republicans allowed him to reign
Like mobster Dons
Who've got more Khans (cons)
Than the entire country of Bahrain.

Trump's nocturnal emissions,
tweeted as petulant transmissions,
FOX praise for ejaculations
Count as huuuge "Congratulations!"
Truth: portents of failing cognition.--from a viewer, Thanks!

His behavior was audacious
For someone not sagacious
Trump's crude and rude
And extremely lewd
And also too salacious.

Women should not be surprised
With health care by white guys
Why immaculate conception?
But no contraception?
It's irrational one must surmise.

The dumb son-in-law said, "make your move!"
"It will get you back in the groove"
So Comey was fired
And Trump was mired
In a crime that was easy to prove.


The flabby fat face of the crook
Is not an attractive look
Orange-colored skin
And many more Chins
Than any Chinese phone book.

Trump took a trip to Boston
While riding in a very small Austin
The car was not wide
So he tilted to one side
But his balls hung so low he lost 'em.

At the zoo Trump spent the day
Stopping at the the Orangutan display
Where a boy named Brad
Yelled out to his dad
"Hey look! One just got away!"

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Proud of his Confederate possessions
And full of bigotry
That was easy to see
Because he hadn't learned any lessons.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Not used to making concessions
This racist elf
Had to recuse himself
After he lied about meeting Russians.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Didn't truthfully answer questions
About meeting with Russians
And having discussions
While Kislyak got erections.

At NATO Trump failed, they said
When he spoke off the top of his head
They stared at their shoes
Hearing his unfortunate news
And knew they weren't being lead.

The Donald who graduated from Penn
Was not like other rich men
Women he took to bed
Wouldn't give him any head
Because of his Trumpled foreskin.

As a youngster an indolent child
As an adult reckless and wild
Now this 70-year old
Who's a complete scold
Is someone who must be reviled.

Trump got away with his schemes
And that's more important it seems
All his sexcopades
And women he's laid
Aren't the feats that give him wet dreams.

More stamina than Hillary, he boasted
But at the G7 he got roasted
While others would stride
Trump hitched a ride
With no energy left he coasted.

Donald and his family aren't smart
Their diplomas are mostly faux "art"
Their ignorance is astounding
Their failures abounding
From the White House they all must depart.

Trump wears an extremely long tie
Mostly red or blue as the sky
It hangs down a notch
And covers his crotch
Lest he forgets to zip up his fly.

Trump lost the popular vote
But still continues to gloat
Three million votes less
One must confess
Is not a mandate to note.

If you reward psychotic behavior
You're not doing youself a favor
While religions may preach
Extreme out reach
Trump is not your savior.

His golf game began to sputter
And foul language Trump would utter
But Melania was crafty
In handling his shafty
And straightened out his putter.

Trump was always a loose cannon
It's why he hired Steve Bannon
But he clashed with Kushner
And fell on his Tushner
So now they need a new stand-in.

If Russian hookers peed on the bed
Just like the dossier said
Trump's attempt to degrade
Where Obama once laid
If true, his presidency is dead.

He wanted James Comey fired
When he thought Trump Tower was wired
It was the Russian probe
Of his frontal lobe
Now a mental exam is required.

Their horse broke down at the gate
And the GOP pondered its fate
Stick with the nag
Watch poll numbers sag
Or pasture him before it's too late.

There was a man from New York
Most called a magnificent dork
This line doesn't matter
He can't get any fatter
And he's way too old to pork.

He thought being President a game
That would surely enhance his fame
Like Russian Roulette
And much to his regret
He won - it's a national shame.

As a politician Trump is crass
But Republicans give him a pass
He needs an institution
To learn elocution
Before lightening shoots out of his ass.

His slogans were a flash in the pan
The antithesis of "Yes We Can"
Making you miss Obama
And much less drama
But at least he's got a strange orange tan.

There once was a man from Queens
Who grew up with really big dreams
But he was such a big liar
His pants caught on fire
Befitting an "emperor" it seems.

While eating his beautiful cake
Mr. Xi knew Trump was a fake
The missiles were a Go!
But were all for show
And an $80 million dollar mistake.

Known as a self-dealing clown
By everyone in his home town
But in the midwest
Cut-off from the rest
The word never got around.

They turn a blind eye to each crime
Unwilling to drop a dime
Send Trump to prison
An easy decision
And Republicans must also do time.

He'll drive the country in a ditch
So his family can become more rich
This self-dealing clan
Has their own plan
It's called the "bait-and-switch."

With his presidency stuck in a rut
Trump behaves more like a mutt
Insanely he barks
Dishonest remarks
Someone muzzle his mouth shut!

Republicans were just too craven
And put up with his misbehavin'
They established a norm
Of a daily shit storm
And now they have no safe haven.

They couldn't keep their stories straight
On the reasons for Comey's fate
But the truth came out
And it was all about
An investigation that won't abate.

It was a slogan ignorance bought
That was always terribly fraught
"Make America Great"
To promote fear and hate
Was not what our forefathers taught.

Foreigners stay in his hotels
A situation that really smells
They expect remuneration
Even when on vacation
Pay-to-play will ring Trump's bell.

They identified with the food he ate
The same junk food on their plate
Buckets of fried chicken
That would only quicken
The way people gain lots of weight.

When Melania and Trump first wed
Her boobs were too small he said
But they grew from a B
To a double D
But now she won't sleep in his bed.

Off to the Vatican Trump went
Some time with the Pope he spent
No dispensation
For his fornication
Not to mention he won't repent.

Big bags are under his eyes
A double chin he can't disguise
He's way too fat
Can't argue with that
He's flabbable we must surmise.

No one likes Ted Cruz
But that's all yesterday's news
But upon reflection
On the country's direction
The GOP is full of loose screws.


Trump thinks himself a hero
But his feats are nearly zero
“If the Pope denies me grace
I’ll burn down this place”
Like a newborn Roman Nero.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

A wealthy old bastard called Trump,
Whose brain was a calcified lump,
Was elected one day,
B
y Putin some say,
Who tells him how high he should jump.--from viewer James J Karaganis, Schaumburg, IL

A man who we'll call The Don,
Once mastered the Art of the Con,
The truth must be told,
Our country's been sold!
And now our Republic is gone.
--from viewer James J Karaganis, Schaumburg, IL

It made a big impression
Trump going to confession
Much time it did take
To sort out the fake
Altogether a very long session.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands

Trump loves his gold it's true
And even the Russians knew,
So they sprayed him with pee
And he smiled with glee
Now his face is golden too!--from a viewer

There once was a president Trump
Whose ethics were all in his rump.
When he couldn't make Comey
His personal homey
He just took him down to the dump.--from viewer Barbara Kunkel in Maine

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