Anti-Donald Trump Limericks
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This collection now contains over 300 Trump and Trump-related limericks and will keep expanding with new ones at the top. Use the Next button at bottom of this page to read earlier limericks in this collection.
Download and play for free our new, original, and nasty Trump tune called Bad Trump using lyrics from our own Trump limericks.
For Trump I can't foresee
A Presidential library
But there is a place
His name should grace:
A federal penitentiary.
For Trump it was very bad news
Cause the midterms he really did lose
It was a total rejection
With one notable exception
Texans re-elected Ted Cruz.
Would he pardon both Carrot and Peas?
After they both caught a fatal disease
In the presence of Trumps
They were covered in bumps
From an infestation of fleas.
The Donald and Melania met the carriage
But it couldn't save their marriage
A big Christmas tree
Can't bring any glee
To a couple who can only disparage.
When Stormy described Trump's junk
Melania went into a funk
If he wanted to screw
What would she do?
Knowing she'd married a skunk.
Trump has a brain like a nut
So he has to think from his gut
Is by defecation
So the result is always just smut.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He bragged he was a very smart fella
Even smarter than Duterte in Manila
But after walking up his plane
In a cold pouring rain
Trump couldn't even close his umbrella.
For Trump it was a "midtown year"
And beating expectations seemed clear
But the "midterm" election
Brought Trump rejection
And a Demcratic House to cheer.
[based on another Trump malaprop of first saying "midtown" and then correcting himself by saying "Midtern" instead of "midterm" while reading from a teleprompter]
His toilet was for men well-endowed
This pitch made Matt Whitaker proud
But it wasn't for Trump
With his mushroom-shaped stump
Nor for your average crowd.
When Armistice Day came around
Trump could not be found
He claimed the rain
Would mess up his mane
Exposing barren ground.
While pissing off the deck of his yacht
Lindsey stared with no fear getting caught
As he looked over Trump's shoulders
He saw some small boulders
And what appeared to be a shriveled up cock.-from viewer Mike H, Norman, OK.
Before his lackey replaced Sessions
Whitaker dabbled in sleazy professions
Scams he did pitch
To make himself rich
While investors lost their possessions.
Trump's Robert Mueller obsessions
Meant he had to fire Jeff Sessions
To quash the investigation
To save his reputation
By shielding all his transgressions.
When his supporter killed some Jews
Trump thought it was really bad news
Not because they were dead
With an election ahead
Republicans were more likely to lose.
When Trump got out of bed
Strange thoughts went through his head
Something was wrong
Cause he had a sore dong
From sleeping with Lyin' Ted.
A Trump fan with nothing to lose
Went and screwed up his courage with booze.
"He says it's okay
To make others pay,
So I'll go out and shoot me some Jews!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
Trump's rallies are a freak show
Where only Deplorables go
And hatred is spread
Among the inbred
Whose intellect's at an all-time low.
As a last ditch election scam
Trump attacked a caravan
Of desperate refugees
In an effort to please
A MAGAbomber in a white van.
Trump's Deplorables have an infirmity
That will likely last an eternity
So write them off
And let them scoff
In the MI MAGA KAPPA fraternity.
The orange man with the very weird hair
Bragged he made his money playing fair
But he failed to mention
His father's intervention
So we call him the real Con Heir.
There's no finding Kashoggi's remains
Since they chopped up his bones with his brains
But Trump says, "It won't matter
Our deals will get fatter
They'll buy even more of our planes!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
Lindsey Graham had a long term plan
To be known as a single white man
Of course that's true
But between me and you
Don't follow him into the can.
Trump's base doesn't expect gumption
And that's an obvious assumption
A liar and tax cheat
Only tosses them red meat
That isn't fit for human consumption.
On a trip to Mexico Beach
Donald Trump attempted to reach
The Mexican President
He thought was a resident
Where Hurricane Michael did breach.
The Trumpsta had a bad day
When he sat and listened to Kanye
Despite all his cash
He could only talk trash
As Jim Brown looked the other way.
The orange man with the silly hair-do
Who's always looking for women to screw
Finally met his match
When he grabbed the snatch
Of a woman he barely knew.
He thinks that his wins are terrific
His triumphs complete and prolific
But the midterm elections
With their massive defections
Will prove that they all were pyrrhific.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA.
With Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court
We've got some news to report
No more beer or liquor
So words he won't slur
It's cocaine he now wants to snort.
With no more men left to hump
Lindsey Graham went golfing with Trump
When Trump pulled out his putter
He heard Linsey mutter
"Just ram your shaft up my rump."
Brett went to a party at Exeter
Saw Ms. Ramirez and sidled up next to her
He was even so brave
To take out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
Lindsey Graham needed to mangle
The meaning of a Devil's Triangle
But since Lindsey is gay
He thought a different way
As three men in a drunken fandagle.
In the days of the backroom coat hanger
When no condoms were used on their whanger
If Brett gets on the Court
We are pleased to report
He's an American star-spangled banger.
His penis never touched a vagina
Causing Lindsey bouts of angina
He claims he's not gay
But that's not the way
They do things in South Carolina.
Lindsey Graham just blew a fuse
But it was only a political ruse
To get another job
Inside the Trump mob
So their legal problems he can diffuse.
Lindsey Graham is not going to China
To seek out a robotic vagina
Cause he clearly knew
When he has to screw
There are glory holes in South Carolina.
If statutory rape's your thing
Give Judge Kavanaugh a ring
He'll get your case dismissed
Leaving prosecutors pissed
And you won't owe him a thing.
There was a young man named Brett
Who partied without any regret
With too much liquor
He tried to dick her
Leaving Hatch and Grassely upset.
They checked into a hotel room
But not as a bride and groom
Trump undid his zipper
Said, "Behold my big dipper!"
But instead it looked like a 'shroom.
Like Toad from Mario Cart
An image Stormy did impart
To describe the penis
Of our "stable genius"
Who's neither well-hung nor very smart.
His background they tried to distort
To get Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court
But a perjurer and a rambler
And a midnight gambler
Is a nominee the Senate must abort.
When sitting on the Supreme Court's your dream
Make sure your victims can't scream
Dr. Ford's now talking
And soon Kavanaugh will be walking
Away from his girl's basketball team.
Brett went to a high school mixer
And drank some potent elixer
Then 30-years later
He's chasing Ruth Bader
When he's not all over Wolf Blitzer.
"It was the wettest we've ever seen
More water than a Russian stream"
But to our abhorrence
Trump wasn't talking about Florence
But his Moscow golden shower scene.
The orange man with the misshaped penis
And a comb-over that's quite ingenious
He has Yeti-like pubes
And a pair of man-boobs
At Trump's carnival you may have seen this.
The man wanting on the Supreme Court
Is a perjurer we must report
In prior confirmations
He gave false affirmations
Because it was his last resort.
When a Supreme Court Justice retires
They shouldn't be replaced with liars
So without any doubt
Kavanaugh must be out
Cause he worse than Harriet Miers.
There's something amiss with Brett
Cause his actions he'll soon regret
His penchant for perjury
Will require deft surgery
To keep him out of prison, we bet.
We know it took lots of spunk
For Stormy to describe Trump's junk
"A huge mushroom-shaped head
Smaller than normal," she said
"And when we finished, it really shrunk."
At a party Brett tried to score
So he forced a young girl through a door
It was attempted rape
But she managed to escape
Now his confirmation is no more.
Melania must now understand
For adultery she just never planned
Stormy described Donald's penis
So it doesn't take a genius
To know her knowledge came firsthand.
To all the women Trump's abused
And his behavior Melania excused
She owes you an apology
For not accepting your chronology
And must admit he was rightly accused.
There's more skeletons in Kavanaugh's closet
That might soon make a deposit
He was a heavy drinker
And at parties a stinker
So expect more scandals we posit.
Has Melania been made to feel sick
As "The Donald"‚ denied double quick
Are Stormy's claims bogus
On this feature of POTUS
Has he really a mushroom-shaped dick?-from viewer John S.
The Bible Belt vote for the Right
Helping Donald to fight the good fight
To the depths they're descending
When they condone ethnic cleansing
They must pray that Jesus ain't white-from viewer John S.
Trump's tweeting, it gets more absurd
He's often misspelling a word
He should learn from his betters
That capital letters
Don't help to polish a turd.-from viewer John S.
Do we really want Brett Kavanaugh
Who lies through his teeth and his jaw?
Won't he try to get laid
And screw Roe versus Wade
By nibbling away at the law?-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
In the closet Lindsey Graham does remain
After losing his buddy McCain
But he's now ogling the rump
Of Donald J. Trump
For any access he can gain.
He denied the hurricane's death toll
And said Democrats played a role
Their are so many lies
That Trump must disguise
From tweets coming out his asshole.
To his wives he was never monoginous
While attempting to remain autominous
But when an anomnous oped
Caused an explosion in his head
His reaction was predictably onimous.
(Our take on another Trump malaprop)
They took Trump to a 12-step meeting
To cure his addiction to tweeting
The feeling was unonimous
At Twitter Anominous
That 13-steps he would be needing.
(Another take on a Trump malaprop)
On the topic of 'DISASTER'
Trump certainly is the master
"Donald" would be a better name
For the next hurricane
Cause he destroys more and faster.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He knows at most a hundred baby words
"Disgraceful" and "unfair" he drops like turds.
The witches must've put a hex upon
Our moron's impoverished lexicon
But let's leave a formal word-count for the nerds.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
They said it was an inside job
Involving a White House mob
And one of their capers
Was stealing his papers
While he was fiddlin' around with his nob.
Lady Justice will not fail
And soon we will regale
When the orange galoot
Wears a matching jumpsuit
While spending his life in jail.
Puerto Ricans were very grumpy
Their recovery had been too bumpy
But paper towels he did lob
After a strong blow job
One heckuva job, Trumpy!
They stand in their corner and whine
About a President on borrowed time
But they still do his bidding
So who are they kidding?
Republicans can't grow a spine.
Senators Sasse, Corker, and Flake
Are making a terrible mistake
They enable Trump's corruption
With no discernable disruption
In a cover-up they all partake.
If you attended an Ivy League college
Expecting to gain more knowledge
Take a look at Trump
Who's as dumb as a stump
Cause it's something we all acknowledge.
The President with a 5th-grade mind
That isn't correctly aligned
How'd he graduate from college
With so little knowledge
It's his transcripts we need to find.
Truth isn't truth, declares Rudy
But he's only doing his duty:
So he lies and distracts
With alternate facts
While kissing the Dictator's booty.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
He vents like a belching volcano
A sewer pipe unflushed by Drano
The rot from his mouth
Shows his mind has gone south:
That mush that he has for a brain-o!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
To distract from those sins of his wiener's
He blames hordes of Mexican beaners
But why aid and abet him?
For soon we will get him
For high crimes and misdemeanors!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Oh, poor Sarah Huckabee Sanders!
The press corps is full of demanders
They want to know why
She does nothing but lie
And why to that moron she panders!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Whatever King Midas would hit
Turned to gold -- it just wouldn't quit!
But for Trump the reverse
A visceral curse:
What HE touches turns right to shit.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
The Kushner's played their role
Though their presence took its toll
At a funeral for a hero
Sat these two zeros
Like two turds in a punch bowl.
Over Trump an ill-wind blew
From the women he did screw
And others he did grope
When they told him "NOPE!"
Now Melania tweets #MeToo!
From Trump's mouth comes only drivel
Punctuated by a frequent snivel
Hearing Trump speak
Is not for the meek
Cause he's creating a war uncivil.
Compared to John, a Hero
Trump is a cowardly Zero
History will praise McCain
And flush Trump down the drain
Like Mao, Amin, and Nero.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Under Trump when Republicans speak
They always sound so weak
With no leadership left
They seem bereft
While heading up shit creek.
Trump has an enemies list
And Republicans don't seem pissed
But upon reflection
There's a November election
After which they won't exist.
If your trip includes the White House
Make sure you button your blouse
Since the groper-in-chief
Often needs his relief
Cause Melania won't sleep with her louse.
In the White House there's a tanning bed
Where Agent Orange lays his head
Around his eyes he's all white
Where goggles blocked light
While taking in the infrared.
Trump wanted to rule like King George
A white nation he promised to forge
But all his corruption
Brought too much disruption
Now there's a book called Profiles in Scourge.
The true patriots wanted to impeach
The orange man with the juvenile speech
"Beautiful this, beautiful that"
"No collusion, he's a rat"
He's the moron that no one can teach.
In the White House there's much dejection
But upon further reflection
The orange Germophobe
Has blown a lobe
And caused a staff infection.
With Omarosa Trump has met his doom
He wishes he could crawl into her womb
But alas, he can't molest her
So he's trying to arrest her
Flailing blindly towards his presidencys tomb.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
"Belgium is a beautiful city"
Was a recent Trump ditty
Then he called Bhutan, "button"
Said their main crop was mutton
His ignorance is something to pity.
At a grocery store Trump made a stop
For dinner he needed to shop
But without his ID
Or the right key
He was escorted out by a cop.
Since Trump's a vile sexist
His behavior won't perplex us
So if at age 72
He decides to screw
He'll discover there's nomo' erectus.
Clinging to bibles at a Trump spectacle
While they reject everything technical
They sell their soul
To an immoral asshole
Seeking answers from the Old Testicle.
They get money when they sign NDAs
His divorce records are still sealed away
He wouldn't have been elected
If these records had been inspected
I guess that's for another day.
An ode to Trump will be sung
'bout a man who wasn't well hung
So he relied on his wealth
To gratify himself
And to make himself feel young.
His black "enemies" he calls "Low IQ"
From Trump it's a racist brew
Cause Maxine Waters
Is smarter than his daughters
And much smarter than Donald too.
Paul Ryan walked into a bar
In seaech of a Republican star
But instead he found nomads
With no real gonads
Cause his party is really subpar.
Omarosa cried Ma'ma Mia!
At Trump's verbal diarrhea
But there's no perscription
To cure his affliction
Called explosive Donorrhea.
He says that his genius is stable
That does seem to be a good label
Since stables are sources
Of droppings from horses
That word should stay right on the table!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Each time that the Donald starts lying
His huge brain heats up till it's frying
There's no kind of surgery
That works against perjury
He's hopeless, so why bother trying?-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Britain and England are not one and the same
But Trump thinks they both share one name
And he thinks Angola
And British Columbia must be next to Spain.
His fake hair is an easy call
His fake University took real gall
Trump Foundation was a fake
And a big mistake
Trump's the biggest fake of them all.
While walking the Tallahassee Trail
There's an observance that just can't fail
You'll see dancing flamingos
And really stupid gringos
And flamencos you can order by mail.
[This limerick is based on Trump malaprops confusing the bird flamingo with flamenco, the dance. And confusing the non-existant Tallahassee Trail with the well-known Appalachian Trail. While the Spanish word for flamingo is flamenco, Trump wouldn't know that.]
England, UK, Great Britain aren't the same
So Trump's ignorance only brings shame
And he thinks New England
Was an ancient kingdom
That was once ruled by Saddam Hussein.
While Trump was unloading more snark
His shiny bronzer began to spark
Then all the lights went out
Causing Deplorables to shout
When Trump's face glowed in the dark.
The ties on the neck of the Skunk
Go all the way down to his junk
Traversing his belly
That swamp full of jelly
They hang around limp in his funk.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Off to finding younger women Trump went
Until all his sperm had been spent
Now the orange fat bloke
Has a dick that's broke
That's as useless as a condom in a convent.
Trump's face is laced with rosacea
Covered in makeup as hard as crustacea
That's orange and thick
To ensure it will stick
So no one can see his true fascia.
Compared to LeBron James' physique
Trump's body seems easy to critique
An orange flabby mass
And a humongous ass
And no muscle mass of to speak.
He's not smart enough for Mensa
And he has no common sensa
He's dumb as a stump
His name's Donald Trump
But is he worse than Mike Pensa?
Many people call Trump a traitor
But LeBron knows he's a hater
With his rod Trump's wishing
He could go phishing
Cause he's "The King" of the Master Baiters.
He's getting increasingly manic
As his flopsweat gives way to sheer panic
And now he's scared shitless
To be Mueller's witness
He feels like he's on the Titanic. -from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Trump barks out orders much quicker
Than a Pitbull licking his dicker
Being drunk on power
With no Happy Hour
Like a dog who can't control his licker.
To a rally Trump brought Mr. Putin
Knowing his base would be rootin'
And to no one's surprise
And not Trump's demise
The Deplorables gave Putin a salutin'.
Telling Trump how tariffs work
Not the task for a low level clerk
With simple flash cards to explain
Why Trump's tariffs were insane
Was how Juncker made Trump go berserk.
When Trump's on his Ritalin
He's only fair to middlin'
It's obvious to see
Nothing controls his A.D.D.
And nothing stops his belittlin'.
Trump's pajamas are made of flannel
On the rear there's a secret panel
That provides enough space
So that just in case
Putin needs to probe his back channel.
Said Trumpkin, beginning to bawl:
"Oh, why can't I have my nice wall?
To keep out the rapists
The greasers and papists
I want one that's ten stories tall!"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
In his bathroom in Trump Tower
The seat of Presidential power
With gilded mixtures
Of ornate fixtures
Where you can take a golden shower.
Mused Trump, facing problems galore:
I'm afraid that the wolf's at my door
But when my world totters
I muddy the waters
So maybe I'll just start a war!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
We knew that the jerk was a hater
A grifter, a lying race-baiter
Now he licks Putin's booty
Like it's his sacred duty
So we see that he's really a traitor-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
At their summit held in Helsinki
We were hoping to hear something kinky
About prostitutes with Trump
That he wanted to hump
But his dick was as small as his pinkie.
When Trump left the Helsinki summit
His approval began to plummet
Cause it was all a charade
Not to give Putin shade
By committing treason dadgummit!
Jim Jordan is the congressman's name
He's been lyin' to avoid any blame
He's in the same inferno
As Joe Paterno
Called the Coaches Hall of Shame.
Using weird mental contortion
Trump said there should be no abortion
But if his children are proof
He really did goof
With mistakes of major proportion.
Requiring mental contortion
Trump promised he'd ban abortion
To overturn Roe v. Wade
Was the promise he made
Even if it involved extortion.
On July 4th there was drizzle
And their marriage had lost its sizzle
So when Melania refused
To light Donald's fuse
His Roamin' candle it did fizzle.
We're not sorry for you, Mr. Pruitt
You were riding so high, but you blew it!
You would travel first class
Now you're out on your ass
Your paranoid greed made you do it.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Trump tried to make the sale
About a Space Force that couldn't fail
Thinking with his penis
That he could land on Venus
But would Serena post his bail?
A ban against Muslims was sought
Even though it was legally fraught
Now everyone can see
That it's very easy
For the U.S. Supreme Court to be bought.
Evangelicals prey on white trash
Cause they'll easily part with their cash
They'll buy any fable
Like Cain and Abel
They're a truly deplorable cache.
Have you seen how the Trumpian signature
Goes so well with his hair's awful wig-nature?
Revealing his psyche:
A jagged malevolent pig-nature!-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
At Merkel Trump threw some candy
An act from a jackass who's "randy."
But she wasn't amused
And felt quite abused
So now Trump's on slippery Sandy.
A pretty Mexican senorita
Walked out of her border casita
But the Feds snatched her child
And she went hog wild
Cause she had left to buy a fajita.
To Texas Melania flew
Wearing attire that nobody knew
Cause inside her jacket
Was a separate placket
That said: "I'm an illegal too!"
Snivelled Trump, breaking into a whine
"How unfair are these subjects of mine!
A few kids in cages
And they fly into rages
Can't they see that my right is divine?"-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
An illiterate asshole named Trump
Tweets while he's taking a dump
Every ignorant twitter
Sent forth from his shitter
Shows his thoughts emanate from his rump.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
Melania took a big chance
Marrying an old man who rants
Soon everything went wrong
Because of his dong
That he couldn't keep in his pants.
Our G7 allies did frown
After Trump put them all down
With tariffs he'd raise
And Putin he'd praise
Were words from an ass clown.
LeBron said, "The White House we ain't' goin'
And Golden State won't be showin'
We've both got a beef
With the racist-in-chief
Plus the man does too much hoin'."
Trump got off at a Marriott
Unlike Ozzie and Harriett
Five kids and counting
Plus the women he's still mounting
More offspring than Secretariat.
Dumpy Trumpy didn't get his wall
So Dumpy Trumpy started a brawl
But Mueller's forces
With lot of resources
Made Dumpy Trumpy take a big fall.
While pondering his reelection
Trump always gets an erection
Hearing Deplorables cheer
Always fills his ear
Leaving a nasty confection.
D. J. Trump is dead, said the source
But before you fake some remorse
You won't be glad
Instead you'll be sad
Cause D. J. Trump was a horse.
Trump made the decision to choose
Actions that caused child abuse
Causing children pain
For political gain
Means there's something in his brain that's loose.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
The children in cages were crying
But Trump and his minions kept lying
When psychopaths rule
With so many they can fool
It’s a sign democracy is dying.-from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
If you were a whore named Melania
You'd want Donald off ya, not on ya
No mountains of gold
For the favors you've sold
Would be worth such disgusting phenomena.-Jim's daughter, Berkeley, CA
There was an old moron named Trump
With a mouth like a rank garbage dump
With hair like a mat
And rolling in fat
And a dick little more than a stump.-from Jim, Berkeley, CA
On Twitter Trump did rant
No trip to the White House he'd grant
With a reason to hate
The Warriors from Golden State
Cause he was posterized by Kevin Durant.
Being an ugly old man we know
With a tremendous amount of dough
A pretty woman would dread
Jumping into Trump's bed
Even if Melania said, "NO MO'!".
And then there is Predator Trump
Whose pants were too tight at his rump
So when he looked in back
They split down his crack
Revealing he was down in the dump.
A President with one qualification:
His infamous fornication
Will soon meet another
Who just killed his brother
So both need a nouveaucation.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump the lying master
Is a political disaster
In spite of his bleating
He’ll lose the meeting
Cause Kim’s brain works much faster.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Prostitutes, porn stars, and girls underage
Are the kinds of women that Trump did engage
So hush money he did pay
To make them all go away
Creating new lawsuits that took center stage.
On Fox News you'll always find Rudy
Cause lyin' for Trump's his duty
But he's old and senile
And someone to revile
And he's not as smart as Judge Judy.
A network with plenty of cash
Thought they would add to their stash
So they brought back Roseanne
But it was a terrible plan
Because they knew she was trailer trash.
There are many Trump apologists
Including Evangelical theologists
But they'll rue the day
When they all went astray
And became subjects for criminologists.
In his campaign, Trump claimed was a spy
And that was another big lie
Wanting to trash the Feds
Cause he was off his meds
And he ain't gonna testify!
Pulling out of Syria wasn't so easy
In fact it made Trump queasy
Not the Syrian nation
But a porn star on vacation
In an affair that was awfully sleazy.
And then there's Michael Cohen
The FBI just seized his phone
His days are numbered
And his life encumbered
Leaving him to piss and moan.
The prostitutes who went to Trump's room
Were invited we all must assume
To pee on his bed
Like the dossier said
And to tape it for all to consume.
The EPA head Scott Pruitt
Was so corrupt that everyone knew it
But when asked to repay
He said "I just may
As soon as I get around to it."
David Pecker knew what to do
About the women Trump did screw
But Pecker went limp
After he tried to skimp
And their stories came out anew.
[David Pecker owns the company that publishes the National Enquirer tabloid who paid for stories just to kill them to protect Trump]
The reason he sucks off Putin
Is because Trump needs his gluten
Even though Big Macs
Make good snacks
They're more fatty than what Putin's shootin'.--from viewer Ed, Livonia, MI.
Ronny Jackson had reason to fear
That his finger would go in here
But his VA appointment
Changed his annointment
To Trump's Admiral of the Rear.
There once was this guy named Trump
Who had a Russian cock up his rump
On a toilet he'd sit
Intending to shit
But it stopped him from taking a dump.--from viewer Ed, Livonia, MI
He introduced her as Marilyn Lockheed
Another Trump faux pas indeed
Her last name was Hewson
Some obvious confusion
From a President who refuses to read.
[Marilyn Hewson is the CEO and President of Lockheed Martin Corp.]
"They can't be seen," came from his lips
When talking about stealth flying ships
But these jets were only shrouded
When Trump's eyes were clouded
From staring at a solar eclipse.
Every citizen understood
The legend of Robin Hood
But Trump's main pitch
Was to give to the rich
And take from the poor...NO GOOD!
Donald Trump has made it quite evident
You don't have to be smart to be President
No need to know history
When your job is no mystery
Tweet often, tell lies, cause unsettlement.--from viewer Debbie Hecht, Berkeley, CA
Trump follows the lead of Sean Hannity
Two men suffering from vanity
With both their views
Derivcd from fake news
We're expecting a big calamity.
They jumped off board in a panic
An atmosphere reported as "manic"
Very few survived
Or came out alive
From Trump's White House....NOT the Titanic!
Trump's last "Art of the Deal"
Is a tariff on aluminum and steel
He can’t get any head
While in his own bed
So it's everyone else who must squeal. --from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Spending lots of time fixing the hair
Applying makeup with none to spare
Not talking about some chick
It's the White House dick
Think Trump's so manly? Au contraire!
Hope leaving puts the White House in gloom
A sick presidency facing certain doom
Will Stormy replace Hope?
Is Trump such a dope?
Our cameras much be ready to zoom.--from a viewer
They said there would be a reprieve
From a White House aiming to deceive
About the Porter scandal
And Stormy Daniels
While Floridians continue to grieve.
After Valentine’s bloody day
Trump promised he'd pray
Knowing there’d be a next
He was sure of his text:
“God Bless the N.R.A.” --from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
General Kelly needs to quit
He never was a good fit
The words of a bigot
Pour out of his spigot
Leaving a four star pile of shit.
Everyone had to stare
At a video that was quite rare
Boarding Air Force One
Trump's rug came undone
Proving the emperor has no hair.
To Madison Square Garden he went that night
Hoping to watch a heavyweight fight
But Donald Jr. didn't know
There was a Kennel Club show
And he'd been rejected for his bad overbite.
Trump went on a tirade
Demanding a military parade
With missiles and tanks
Led by more of his skanks
Taking part in another charade.
And again there's General Kelly
Devin Nunes' underbelly
Risking national security
For redacted impurity
After the FBI said, "WHOA NELLY!"
Trump tried to borrow a Van Gogh
But the Guggenheim told him, "No!"
They said: "All you'll get
Is this gold toilet
That will suit your gaudy show."
With a porn star he had an affair
Something a germaphobe not dare
She had large breasts
Trump ignored the rest
And no condom he did wear.
To his room came Stormy Daniels
Wearing her leather gold sandals
Trump opened the door
Intending to score
So he showed her his cocker named Spaniel.
The porn star was Stormy Daniels
Her craft perfected from sex manuals
But her affair with Trump
Gave her a sore rump
And for him another sex scandal.
Trump had another affair
With a porn star with blonde hair
A President's tryst
That everyone missed
Yet no one seems to care.
There are no Norwegian maracas
But there is a Republican caucus
Xenophobic and crude
With a bad attitude
And they're raucus and want to faucus.
Behind the White House doors
There's merely political whores
They're spineless and weak
And never speak
To a President they all abhor.
Senator Perdue and Senator Cotton
Are both completely rotten
They lied about a meeting
Where Trump was seething
About countries he wanted forgotten.
After Melania had his child
Her body Donald reviled
Reduced to arm candy
That to many looked dandy
Though his cheating still drives her wild.
Shithole sounds rough
For Trump it means 'tough'
The workings of his mind
Is not of a normal kind.
So excuses are not enough. --from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Is his button the Biggest of All?
Or is it his hands that are small?
No business gets done
While he tweets about Jong Un
And his own Big and Beautiful Wall. --from viewer Ole, Denmark
They call him the Tangerine Don,
He bragged all he needed was brawn
He provoked Kim Jong Un
Now we'll all be dead soon
Trump's king and we are the pawns.--from viewer in New Jersey
Trump boasts of mental stability
Amid signs of startling debility
He doesn’t have a clue
About what's really true.
The symptoms of senility.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
There once was a President Trump
Whose dick was too small to hump
So he strapped on a dildo
But it was covered in mildew
And it ate away the rest of his stump.
There once was a President Trump
Who needed to take a dump
So he grabbed his phone
And let out a groan
And a tweet came out of his rump.
Their tax bill passed too quickly
Leavng 13 million people sickly
But rich GOP donors
Got really big boners
Their reward for sucking Trump's dickly.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
When "standard" on a reef
What sailor doesn't feel relief
Cause the "stranded" survive
When help arrives
Despite a faux commander in chief.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
"Through" their lives that were cut short
"Though" Trump had to retort
With sniffing and mumbling
And words he was jumbling
We wonder what he did snort.
Their tax bill passed by golly!
And Republicans acted so jolly
But it definitely appears
In just a few years
It will be known as Trump's Folly.
Roy Moore rode in on his horse
To cast his ballot of course
His horse was a mare
But she didn't care
When he groped her with unusual force.
He rode Miss Sassy to the poll
But she was not under his control
Miss Sassy's not Roy's horse
But a young girl of course
Who couldn't provide him a foal.
Roy Moore rode Miss Sassy in the rain
And he grabbed her by the mane
She bucked and weaved
And got really peeved
When he was aroused by all her pain.
Mnuchin and his wife at the mint
With a sheet of dollar bills in print
An image of greed
And entitlement indeed
And all the money they've spent.
Experts called Trump's tax bill silly
Cause it was drafted so willy nilly
The cuts were all skewed
So the middle class was screwed
But his donors said "Dilly, Dilly!"
He attacked the FBI on Twitter
In a voice all whiny and bitter
With Mueller stalking
And Flynn talking
Trump knows he's down the shitter.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
Trump spoke about a "word" of nations
To a "world" with lowered expectations
It's clear he can't read
A major problem indeed
And now we're all out of patience.
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
They sacrifice for the "furniture" of their kids
Did he mean: high chairs, strollers, and cribs?
Again Trump mis-spoke
His grammar's a joke
Explains why his approval's on the skids.
A beautiful tax cut for Chistmas his goal
Putting the deficit in a big hole
Only the rich will gain
The rest will feel pain
In your stocking a big lump of coal.
Russian prostitutes went to Trump's suite
To perform an abnormal feat
They peed on a bed
Like the dossier said
He's our "Leader of the Pee World", we tweet.
While in China, Trump the fop
Well known as Mr. Malaprop
Hailed a Rexis and a Rincoln
Which got his staff thinkin'
Does he require a verbal cop?
Roy Moore hung around Gadsden Mall
To young girls saying, "Hi! Ya'll!"
Now a rabbi and a preacher
Have defended this creature
There's a special place in Hell for them all.
He skulked around Gadsden Mall
To young girls saying "Hi! Ya'll!"
No escaping his perversion
For young ass that was virgin
Which to Roy Moore meant "urban sprawl".
He claimed China gave him a cataract
Then boasted of his no free trade act
He bought a Rexis and a Rincoln
Which got his staff thinkin'
Are we sure Trump didn't mean "Cadillac"?
To Democrats his tax bill he shilled
Claiming if passed "he'd get killed"
But no wealthy will suffer
Including the "Orange Duffer"
So if he'll die, pass the bill, be thrilled!
God spoke to Judge Roy Moore
Cause pedophilia he could not ignore
"Thou shalt not grope
You fake pious dope
The entrance to Hell's through that door!"
When Trump went to Beijing
He was received like a king
He came to barter
But Chinese are smarter
So he didn’t accomplish a thing.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump stood on The Wall
Exclaiming: "Is this all?
Mine will be bigger!"
It made Xi snigger:
"Brains are not given to all!"--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump Steaks were branded for the elite
Something only a carnivore would eat
But after Mueller's decision
And Trump now in prison
He can only beat his own meat.
Harvey Weinstein created a mess
That Fox News couldn't address
Because of Ailes and O'Reilly
They had to act slyly
To avoid being hypocrites, I guess....
The Whitefish company was dinky
When it got help from Ryan Zinke
Their contract was no-bid
To fix the power grid
But now that whole deal looks stinky.
While confined to his daycare nursery
With knowledge only cursory
Trump was overheard to state
"Isn't it just great!
I've never seen such 'diversary.'"
Trump said he belonged in Mensa
But to Tillerson it made no sensa
So between me and you
The Donald's IQ
Is even lower than Mike Pence's.
While working in the White House
Gen. Kelly continued to grouse
With an old pussy-grabber
And notorious back-stabber
He'll never be able to de-louse.
An "empty barrel" was the term he used
For a congresswoman that he abused
Gen. Kelly's a shmuck
Willing to pass the buck
For a President with a short fuse.
A "fucking moron" was the phrase he used
A label that was not abused
Tillerson spoke the truth
Even though uncouth
About the President who wasn't amused.
The National Rifle Addiction
Is not a new affliction
With deaths in the millions
And costs in the billions
For Trump's Congress a Benediction.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
When Donald wanted sex she would scoff
Or pretend to have a really bad cough
What's Trump to do
When Melania won't screw
And his hands are too small to jack-off?
No one should act surprised
That Trump is widely despised
Now the NFL
Can't stand his smell
Which can no longer be disguised.
White supremacists and Jesus freaks
Are to whom the GOP speaks
But attracting this scum
Requires more chum
And new deplorable techniques.
Kim Jong-Un is quite the bard
Calling Donald a deranged dotard
What everyone sees
Is a U.S. disease
That elected an orange tub of lard.
White supremacists are his friends
But it's not where this story ends
Pardoning Sheriff Joe
Was a horror show
What happens next Depends?
Concerned with the size of his prick
Trump went to see Peter Dick
Willie putz with his dong
And make his schlong long
So his cock-eyed Johnson will tick?
Based on an actual Trump malaprop
Trump said, "No more amnity!"
While talking with Sean Hamesty
He then said, "Forment"
Instead of "Foment"
His vocabulary is a "Tramnesty."
There was a president named Trump
Who tweeted while taking a dump
So they grabbed his phone
And made him lie prone
So someone could wipe his rump.
There was a President named Trump
Who tweeted while taking a dump
So Kelly took his phone
And made him lie prone
Then said: "Somebody unplug this chump!"
When Trump rode into town
People began to frown
Some were sad
But most were mad
That voters elected this clown.
White supremacists who are Trump's base
Think they're a superior race
They made a pact with the devil
The same as did Neville
Forever they will live in disgrace.
Trump speaks with incoherence
Even with a security clearance
Like a fleeting ghost
Wished for by most
To make a quick disappearance.
There was an old fraudster called Trump
Who inherited a dirty great lump
He bought the election
And then on reflection
Spent four years taking a dump.--from a viewer
As Trump grows more bitter
And continues to whine on Twitter
There isn't much hope
To control this dope
Without a babysitter.
Big bags are under his eyes
With a belly large in size
Despite all the weight
Trump thinks he looks great
Holy Mackerel! Look at those thighs!
The Nazis will salute
And the Klu Klux Klan will root
Trump's their man
Despite his plan
To take away all their loot.
Trump Trash roams the streets
But no mention in his tweets
In function as President
He is utterly negligent
All empty words, no deeds.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
They feed Trump positive news
To help reinforce his views
"The White House is strong"
"Fake News is wrong"
Because his ego is huge.
Positive images appear in a folder
But Trump demands it be bolder
He must look strong
With a big hard dong
Looking younger but never older.
Common decency Trump was forsaking
While Boy Scout parents were shaking
Trashing Hillary and Obama
Was quite the drama
For young Deplorables in the making.
What Scaramucci hurled was vulgarity
At Priebus and Bannon with clarity
With his mafia shtick
He's a real prick
To his boss there's a great similarity.
Donald Trump's primary fame
Has brought him mostly shame
And if he gets caught
Over something he wrought
Someone else will be to blame.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump told all the Boy Scouts
Some of his infamous bouts
Because his qualifications
Were his many deflorations
They heard the behavior of a lout.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
He went up like a balloon
Even though he was a buffoon
Was some accident
That should be punctured soon.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
There once was a fellow named Trump
Who lived to ogle the rumps
Of underdressed minors
And grab their vaginas
When he burst in and made them all jump.--from viewer Johnny
Donald Jr. held a meeting
Putin's Russians he was greeting
He thought he'd get dirt
To make Hillary hurt
But instead he got caught in a cheating.
Trump turns to the past
Leaving wiser men aghast
With all his bleating
His country he’s cheating
'America will come in Last'--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump's strongest backer
Is a man named David Pecker
But what's in a name?
His fake news a shame
His soul's increasingly blacker.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump's biggest omission
Is his utter lack of vision
He’s an Evil Clown
Taking America down
Dumping him an easy decision.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
When there's an onslaught of criticism
He seeks refuge in Vladimir's jizm
But that's nothing compared
To the cum that he'll share
With the guy with whom he's in prison.--from viewer Ed Ehren, Michigan
In his golf course clubhouse halls
Trump's Time cover hangs on the walls
But it's a total fake
That was easy to make
By someone with dimpled balls.
Though the President was insane
Republicans allowed him to reign
Like mobster Dons
Who've got more Khans (cons)
Than the entire country of Bahrain.
Trump's nocturnal emissions,
Tweeted as petulant transmissions,
FOX praise for ejaculations
Count as huuuge "Congratulations!"
Truth: portents of failing cognition.--from a viewer, Thanks!
His behavior was audacious
For someone not sagacious
Trump's crude and rude
And extremely lewd
And also too salacious.
Women should not be surprised
With health care by white guys
Why immaculate conception?
But no contraception?
It's irrational one must surmise.
The dumb son-in-law said, "make your move!
It willl get you back in the groove"
So Comey was fired
And Trump was mired
In a crime that was easy to prove.
The flabby fat face of the crook
Is not an attractive look
And many more Chins
Than any Chinese phone book.
Trump took a trip to Boston
While riding in a very small Austin
The car was not wide
So he tilted to one side
But his balls hung so low he lost 'em.
At the zoo Trump spent the day
Stopping at the the Orangutan display
Where a boy named Brad
Yelled out to his dad
"Hey look! One just got away!"
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Proud of his Confederate possessions
And full of bigotry
That was easy to see
Because he hasn't learned any lessons.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Not used to making concessions
This racist elf
Had to recuse himself
After he lied about meeting Russians.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Didn't truthfully answer questions
About meeting with Russians
And having discussions
While Kislyak got erections.
At NATO Trump failed, they said
When he spoke off the top of his head
They stared at their shoes
Hearing his unfortunate news
And knew they weren't being lead.
The Donald who graduated from Penn
Was not like other rich men
Women he took to bed
Wouldn't give him any head
Because of his Trumpled foreskin.
As a youngster an indolent child
As an adult reckless and wild
Now this 70-year old
Who's a complete scold
Is someone who must be reviled.
Trump got away with his schemes
And that's more important it seems
All his sexcopades
And women he's laid
Aren't the feats that give him wet dreams.
More stamina than Hillary, he boasted
But at the G7 he got roasted
While others would stride
Trump hitched a ride
With no energy left he coasted.
Donald and his family aren't smart
Their diplomas are mostly faux "art"
Their ignorance is astounding
Their failures abounding
From the White House they all must depart.
Trump wears an extremely long tie
Mostly red or blue as the sky
It hangs down a notch
And covers his crotch
Lest he forgets to zip up his fly.
Trump lost the popular vote
But still continues to gloat
Three million votes less
One must confess
Is not a mandate to note.
If you reward psychotic behavior
You're not doing youself a favor
While religions may preach
Extreme out reach
Trump is not your savior.
His golf game began to sputter
And foul language Trump would utter
But Melania was crafty
In handling his shafty
And straightened out his putter.
Trump was always a loose cannon
It's why he hired Steve Bannon
But he clashed with Kushner
And fell on his Tushner
So now they need a new stand-in.
If Russian hookers peed on the bed
Just like the dossier said
Trump's attempt to degrade
Where Obama once laid
If true, his presidency is dead.
He wanted James Comey fired
When he thought Trump Tower was wired
Was it a Russian probe
Of his frontal lobe
For why a mental exam is required?
Their horse broke down at the gate
And the GOP pondered its fate
Stick with the nag
Watch poll numbers sag
Or pasture him before it's too late.
There was a man from New York
Most called a magnificent dork
This line doesn't matter
He can't get any fatter
And he's way too old to pork.
He thought being President a game
That would surely enhance his fame
Like Russian Roulette
And much to his regret
He won - it's a national shame.
As a politician Trump is crass
But Republicans give him a pass
He needs an institution
To learn elocution
Before lightening shoots out of his ass.
His slogans were a flash in the pan
The antithesis of "Yes We Can"
Making you miss Obama
And much less drama
But at least he's got a strange orange tan.
There once was a man from Queens
Who grew up with really big dreams
But he was such a big liar
His pants caught on fire
Befitting an "emperor" it seems.
While eating his beautiful cake
Mr. Xi knew Trump was a fake
The missiles were a Go!
But were all for show
And an $80 million dollar mistake.
Known as a self-dealing clown
By everyone in his home town
But in the midwest
Cut-off from the rest
The word never got around.
They turn a blind eye to each crime
Unwilling to drop a dime
Send Trump to prison
An easy decision
And Republicans must also do time.
He'll drive the country into a ditch
So his family can become more rich
This self-dealing clan
Has their own plan
It's called the "bait-and-switch."
With his presidency stuck in a rut
Trump behaves more like a mutt
Insanely he barks
Someone muzzle his mouth shut!
Republicans were just too craven
And put up with his misbehavin'
They established a norm
Of a daily shit storm
And now they have no safe haven.
They couldn't keep their stories straight
On the reasons for Comey's fate
But the truth came out
And it was all about
An investigation that won't abate.
It was a slogan ignorance bought
That was always terribly fraught
"Make America Great"
To promote fear and hate
Was not what our forefathers taught.
Foreigners stay in his hotels
A situation that really smells
They expect remuneration
Even when on vacation
Pay-to-play will ring Trump's bell.
They identified with the food he ate
The same junk food on their plate
Buckets of fried chicken
That would only quicken
The way people gain lots of weight.
When Melania and Trump first wed
Her boobs were too small he said
But they grew from a B
To a double D
But now she won't sleep in his bed.
Off to the Vatican Trump went
Some time with the Pope he spent
For his fornication
Not to mention he won't repent.
Big bags are under his eyes
A double chin he can't disguise
He's way too fat
Can't argue with that
He's flabbable we must surmise.
No one likes Ted Cruz
But that's all yesterday's news
But upon reflection
On the country's direction
The GOP is full of loose screws.
Trump thinks himself a hero
But his feats are nearly zero
“If the Pope denies me grace
I’ll burn down this place”
Like a newborn Roman Nero.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
A wealthy old bastard called Trump,
Whose brain was a calcified lump,
Was elected one day,
By Putin some say,
Who tells him how high he should jump.--from viewer James J Karaganis, Schaumburg, IL
A man who we'll call The Don,
Once mastered the Art of the Con,
The truth must be told,
Our country's been sold!
And now our Republic is gone.--from viewer James J Karaganis, Schaumburg, IL
It made a big impression
Trump going to confession
Much time it did take
To sort out the fake
Altogether a very long session.--from viewer Jan, Roermond, Netherlands
Trump loves his gold it's true
And even the Russians knew,
So they sprayed him with pee
And he smiled with glee
Now his face is golden too!--from a viewer
There once was a president Trump
Whose ethics were all in his rump.
When he couldn't make Comey
His personal homey
He just took him down to the dump.--from viewer Barbara Kunkel in Maine