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You'll want to own our new book called Trump in Limericks featuring many of the limericks we wrote for our site currently plus lots of new ones you won't find anywhere else. There are over 300 limericks and 200 pages in the book. You will really enjoy reading it. Available in paperback and ebook. Get more ordering information here.

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The Abyss Stares Back
If Friedrich Nietzsche wrote comedy, America 2020 would be it
By Bryan Zepp Jamieson
October 17, 2020

Well, nobody said the home stretch of the 2020 election was going to be boring. OK, so we all thought the polls would be a lot closer now than they are, portending as they do an utter bloodbath for the GOP. And of course we all worried about how many dirty tricks Trump and the GOP had. Some were predictable: the Hunter Biden ďbombshellĒ in which a computer turned up at some repair shop on which there was supposedly a whole bunch of emails that said stuff like ďHey, my dad wants you to have a bunch of military secrets if youíll just fire this one judge.Ē Some of the emails were tracked back to a Russian disinformation outfit, but what really made the whole thing moot was that the right-winger truther who owned the repair shop said the computer, along with two others, were dropped off by someone who could have possibly been Hunter Biden on April 12th, 2019, but the firmware on both the computer BIOS and the hard drive showed that the system had been manufactured on April 19th 2019, a week after Hunter dropped it off. My god, the man can TIME TRAVEL! Heís an existential threat to the entire universe, and you libtard sheeplings are just sitting around making Guiliani jokes! Voting fuckery is widespread, of course. Abbott, the fascist running Texas, arbitrarily decreed that each county should only have one dropbox. Other GOP states reduced the number of polling places, resulting in line of voters in scenes one expects in fascist banana republics. Like the sort the GOP wants to turn all of America into. In California, GOP outlaws set out phony dropboxes.

Trump has openly said that one reason he wants the godstruck vacuity Barrett on the court by the election is in case he needs the court to rule that those silly old votes donít matter, and the GOP gets to appoint electors in order to ensure a Trump victory. Given the size of the popular blowout the polls forecast, such a move would result in a popular revolt and even possibly a civil war, but Trump figures he has command over the military, and should the Pentagon decide that they promised to spend some quality time with their cats rather than gunning down Americans, he also has a pack of heavily armed street nazis.

Itís not clear what the military would do in the face of a coup. Trump is commander in chief; but his orders would be illegal if not flat-out treasonous. The street nazis would be faced with a situation where even if they did prevail, they would have absolutely no popular support, even among most Trump supporters. And a hundred million or so people looking for ways to ambush and kill them. They might be vicious crazy bastards, but they arenít stupid. The leaders know they canít possibly hold power with a coup that has absolutely no popular support.

Trump himself may be aware of that, or at least suspect it. He joked the other day about leaving the country if he lost the election because losing to ďSleepy JoeĒ would be so embarrassing. Trump very famously does not joke, but he does have plenty of reasons to flee if he loses. Thereís a tidal wave of criminal and civil proceedings awaiting him the minute Biden is sworn in as President, along with many angry creditors, including quite possibly organized crime. He may well owe hundreds of millions of dollars to Russian interests, and itís not outside the realm of possibility that Putin has assured him that if he defects with most or all of Americaís military and strategic secrets, Putin would take care of all those nagging debts and set him up in a dacha on the Black Sea. Trump would certainly be willing to entertain such an offer, especially if Putin assured him he would be a hero, nay, a GOD to the peoples of all the Russias, and they would praise him and lionize him for the rest of his life. Oh, and think of all the American liberals who would be sooooo pissed off if he did that!

That would leave Mike Pence as acting president, and he would be an extraordinarily unpopular leader of a country in chaos, head of a party reviled by 70% of the population as traitors. Pence will try to present himself as an expression of Godís Will, and when that falls apart, heíll resign. The Senate will note that Trump didnít formally resign, and vote that treason and fleeing the country are not impeachable offenses. Itís not like the GOP will have anything to lose at this point, and chaos might result in a long-hoped-for corporate takeover of the country. Except the country would be disintegrating at that point, with several powerful blue states voting to secede. The Senate will then convict Trump, accept Penceís resignation, and dump the whole mess in Pelosiís lap. That may be enough to avert collapse, assuming the Qanon nuts donít just assume that Pelosi is an intergalactic lizard with a taste for human babies who wants to take their guns. Which she is, of course. The tail is a dead giveaway.

Now, people have said that Iím too conventional, too cautious in my political forecasts, and that may be true. I didnít even mention North Korea invading the state of Washington, or proof that there is no such thing as COVID-19 coming out. Those could muddy the waters, sure. But I live and die by Occamís Razor, and manage to look unshaven despite that.

So thereís your immediate future, America. Jokes by Friedrich Nietzsche, screenplay by Garth Ennis, directed by David Cronenberg.

Ice Fall, my science fiction novel, is now available in PDF format (FREE!)
Also available for free: PDF of Rocketships and Stuff Preview of my upcoming novel, Earth Fall: Paperback

Posted: November 14, 2020

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