Apologies From Canada
By Rick Mercer from "This Hour Has 22 Minutes", a CBC
television comedy program.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere, I'd like to offer an apology to the
United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well
recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't
nice of us to point it out. It's any consolation, the fact that he's a
moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's
not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees
than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better 
than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic Hockey. In our defense, I guess our
excuse would be that our team was much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I
notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer
but, We Feel Your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up
against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I
realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against
Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a
thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over
this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.