By Rick Mercer
from "This Hour Has 22 Minutes", a
television comedy program.
behalf of Canadians everywhere, I'd like to
offer an apology to the
United States of America. We haven't been getting
along very well
recently and for that, I am truly sorry.
sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a
moron, but it wasn't
nice of us to point it out. It's any consolation,
the fact that he's a
moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people
of America. After all, it's
not like you actually elected him.
sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because
we have more trees
than you doesn't give us the right to sell you
lumber that's cheaper and better
than your own.
sorry we beat you in Olympic Hockey. In our
defense, I guess our
excuse would be that our team was much, much,
much better than yours.
sorry we burnt down your White House during
the war of 1812. I
notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.
sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing
to do with your beer
but, We Feel Your Pain.
sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when
you're going up
against a crazed dictator, you want to have
your friends by your side. I
realize it took more than two years before you
guys pitched in against
Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew
he had weapons.
finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry
that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive
way which is really a
thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that
you're not upset over
this. We've seen what you do to countries you
get upset with.