Limbaugh Leaves Rehab, Says He's Now a Liberal
California) -- Former conservative talk show
host Rush Limbaugh shook the world of conservative
talk radio today, announcing that he has converted
to liberalism. The statement was made at a press
conference following his 30-day treatment to
overcome addiction to painkillers.
don't know what the hell I was on for the past
few years, but it must have been some really
serious dope," said Limbaugh. "I mean, I must
have been drinking some serious bongwater."
Limbaugh said that he spent the first three
to five days of treatment practically unaware
of his surroundings, facing painkiller withdrawal
after stopping the drugs for the first time
since before beginning his popular national
-- at about day ten -- it was like a veil was
lifted. I started thinking clearly for the first
time in years."
The big shock, Limbaugh admitted, came when
another patient asked him to sign a copy of
his most recent book. "I paged through it and
read a couple of pages. I couldn't believe the
crap that was in there. I guess Franken was
right. I really was a big, fat idiot."
Limbaugh plans to be very active over the next
few months. "I have a lot to do. I need to retool
the show, write a book that counters all the
earlier junk, and ... oh, hey, and when did
Bush's kid become President anyway? Jeez. This
country is going right into the toilet."
Several people have also reported receiving
phone calls from Limbaugh. Sen. Hillary Clinton
called told a New York Times reporter: "I received
a phone call at my office from someone saying
he was Rush Limbaugh. I thought it was a prank,
of course. He finally convinced me it was him
and he apologized. He said he was sure he had
caused me a great deal of pain while he was
taking drugs and he needed to make amends. When
I realized it was really Rush I just about plotzed."
Sources close to Limbaugh also say he plans
to give away a portion of his considerable fortune.
So far, surprised donation recipients include
the ACLU, People for the American Way, and National
Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League.
by Kim Day
Tom von Alten