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Bush Wayne - A "Caped Crusader" in a comic book world - by Jerry Ghinelli, found on informationclearinghouse, 11/22/04

Deep inside a bunker in an undisclosed location just outside Washington, DC, the dynamic duo of Bush Wayne and his trusted confidant, Dick (Grayson) Cheney, hunker down, plan and execute their endless struggle to rid the world of freedom-hating terrorists, insurgents and unpatriotic, immoral liberals.

Obsessed with defeating the evildoers who threaten America, these Halliburton-executives-by-day, freedom-fighters-by-night transform into Batman, the Caped Crusader, and his "trusted" companion -- Robin, the "Grim Wonder."

Together they wage a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way.

"Holy WMD, Batman, we must defeat the diabolical evildoers who possess weapons of mass destruction and threaten our children!"

"Yes, Robin! We must save the world from evil and spread democracy to those not quite fortunate enough to have our fair complexions."

"There is an 'axis of evil' in the world, Robin, with terrorists who can turn 'smoking guns into mushroom clouds."

"Holy nuclear weapons, Batman!"

"That's 'nuk-ya-lar,' Robin; proper pronunciation is essential."

"I apologize, Batman. 'Holy nukyalar' weapons!"

"Robin, do you remember Saddam, the 'Joker' in our deck of cards, and his cadre of diabolical villains: 'Chemical Ali,' 'Dr. Germ,' and the comical 'Baghdad Bob'???

"Of course, Batman, the diabolical fiends!?"

"Did you know that those dastardly evildoers possessed nukyalar, biological and chemical weapons? And did you know the Joker gassed his own people with lethal chemicals that we had supplied to him for 'humanitarian purposes???'"

"We supplied him the lethal chemicals, Batman? What an ingrate! Then the Joker invaded his neighbor after we tricked him that we would not intervene in his border dispute with Kuwait."

"The Joke was on the Joker, Batman. Your daddy - Bush Wayne Sr. - tricked the dope into invading Kuwait, then really socked it to him after he took the bait."

Bang! Pow! Bombs away!

"Hilarious, Batman; simply hilarious. He who laughs last, laughs best. Take that, Uday and Qusay!"

"Precisely, Robin. Remember, few men die of threats. But let's not be too harsh, my friend; remember we are a very forgiving, Christian nation."

"I apologize, Batman. You are truly a divinely inspired crusader."

"Yes, Robin. Many are called to serve, but only I was chosen to lead. And I too have been chosen to bring Osama, the Riddler, and his army of 'ghosts' to justice either 'dead or alive'. Like the Joker, the Riddler was our loyal freedom fighter in the 1980s, when he fought with us to defeat the 'evil empire'. Immediately after the Cold War ended, he 'warmed' up to Satan and, like the Joker, went over to the dark side at the exact same time the evil empire collapsed."

"Holy, I mean, unholy alliances, Batman!"

"Now the Riddler, prince of darkness, villain of villainy, produces mysterious videos from his Rat-cave, carefully crafted with intriguing riddles that only his army of ghosts can decipher. So clever is the Riddler that our intelligence sources are totally stumped by this diabolical 'genius.' Gosh, if I could just figure out in what Rat-cave the Riddler is hiding, it would surely end the war on terror and we could go back to just being full-time oil executives once again."

"Look, Batman, Blockbuster has just released another of the Riddler's videos, titled:

'Security is in Your Own Hands!'"

"Quick! Get Mayor 'Linseed' Giuliani of Gotham City on the Batphone, and have him raise the terror alert to flas! hing red!"

"Flashing red! Yikes! Wow! Ouch!"

"Yes, Dick I mean, Robin; these are dangerous times, which require strong leadership. When the average citizen on the street is in peril, something must be done, and quickly. It's hard work, really hard, but God's work is always hard, and we have taken an oath to protect and defend the American people from the Riddler, his network of evildoers and those who threaten our freedom and democracy."

"Holy Jihad, Batman! God is great!"

"Quite an appropriate choice of words, my companion crusader."

"Gosh, Batman, you speak so simply and eloquently, and you are always right...Isn't there anything you don't know?"

"Yes, of course, Robin: I don't know how to make mistakes. You see, my apostle, I get my wisdom from the Holy Father, who, like thee, I mean, thou, is infallible. That's precisely how he got to be God, and that's how I got to be the Caped Crusader? Haven't you noticed, Robin, that we never lose, and always escape the vicious ensnarement of enemies such as the Flip Flopper, his Ketchup Widow and their evil sidekick, the fat man: Mr. Freeze, Fahrenheit 32?"

"Is it because we're smarter than they are, Batman?"

"Of course we're smarter, Robin, but mostly it's because our hearts are pure. Oh, by the way, Robin, did I mention that those tights you're wearing are very sexy?"

"Thanks, Batman, and I find that new mask and cape of yours really quite appealing."

"But we mustn't waste precious time complimenting each other, Robin; we must leave the Batcave and fight evil out there, so we don't have to fight it in here. Hurry, Robin, fire up the Batmobile."

"Splendid idea. Yikes, Batman, the Batmobile is low on gas! Where should we fill up?"

"Easy, Robin; let's head to Iran."

Vroom! Creech! Woosh!

"Don't forget, this time turn sharply to t! he right; don't make a soft left!"

"I won't, Batman. I learned that when we got our international driver's licenses."

"After we fill up in Iran, we can also remove their nukyalar weapons, liberate the Iranians from the axis of evil and bring freedom and democracy to them as well."

"Gee, Batman, Iran's a big country. It may be a lot tougher than defeating Saddam the Joker. I'd better beam up a Bat-signal and see if Superman can join our coalition of the willing."

"That won't be necessary, my friend. Superman has 'retired'; he left the Planet Earth back on October 10, 2004."

"You see, Robin, Superman grew tired of fighting never-ending wars of good versus evil. He grew tired of this comic book world, where the oppressor has become the victim; where ignorance parades as patriotism; where bigotry masquerades as morality; where hypocrisy is disguised self-righteousness, and where outrageous lies are naively believed to be irre! futable truths."

"He left us, my friend, for the real world."

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