Public
School Teacher Arrested at Airport
At
New York's Kennedy International Airport today,
an individual, later discovered to be a public
school teacher, was arrested trying to board
a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor,
a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
Attorney
general John Ashcroft believes the man is a
member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He
is being charged with carrying weapons of math
instruction.
"Al-gebra
is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Ashcroft said.
"They desire average solutions by means and
extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent
in a search of absolute value. They consist
of quite shadowy figures, with names like "X"
and "Y ", and, although they are frequently
referred to as "unknowns", we know they really
belong to a common denominator and are part
of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country. As the great Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 sides to
every triangle."
When
asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have weapons
of math instruction, He would have given us
more fingers and toes".
