CDC
Warning: New Disease
The
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has
issued a warning about a new virulent strain
of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease
is contracted through dangerous and high-risk
behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim
and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims
contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed
for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics
of individuals infected include: anti-social
personality disorders, delusions of grandeur
with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive
dissonance, inability to incorporate new information,
pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability
to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice
masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial
smirking, ignorance of geography and history,
tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical
all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists and epidemiologists
are amazed at how this destructive disease originated
only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.