Outsourcing
the Job of U.S. President, sent to us by
Antares, a viewer living overseas
OUTSOURCING
ANNOUNCEMENT Washington D.C. - Congress today
announced that the Office of President of the
United States will be outsourced to overseas
as of August 30. The move is being made to save
$400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion
in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The
cost savings will be quite significant" says
Congressman Adam Smith (R-Wash) who, with the
aid of Congress research arm, the General Accounting
Office has studied outsourcing of American jobs
extensively. "We simply can no longer afford
this level of outlay and remain competitive
on the world stage," Congressman Smith said.
Exporting American jobs has been a popular trend
lately, ironically at the urging of President
Bush.
Mr.
Bush was informed by email this morning of the
termination of his position. He will receive
health coverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a
two week waiting period, he will then be eligible
for $240 a week from unemployment insurance
for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately
he will not be able to receive state Medicaid
health insurance coverage as his unemployment
benefits are over the required limit. "I'm in
shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure
I'd have some job security around this here
place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he
further lamented.
Preparations
have been underway for some time for the job
move.
Sanji
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
India, will be assuming the Office of President
of the United States as of September 1. Mr.
Singh was born in the United States while his
parents were here on student visas, thus making
him eligible for the position. He will receive
a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits.
Due
to the time difference between the US and India,
Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night,
when offices of the US Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr.
Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working
nights will let me keep my day job at the American
Express call center. I always knew I could be
President someday."
Congress
stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as
he may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved with his new position. A Congressional
Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given
a script tree to follow which will allow him
to respond to most topics of concern. The Spokesperson
further noted that "additional savings will
be realized as these scripting tools have already
been used previously by Mr. Bush here in the
US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide
an answer without having to fully understand
the issue itself."
Congress
continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities
including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet
positions.
