SLOPS
Warning from WHO
The
World Health Organization today issued a new
warning against non-essential travel to the
entire Western hemisphere following renewed
concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of
Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS). Officials are
warning travelers not to visit the UK, the US,
almost all of Western Europe, and Canada, following
further outbreaks of the disease, which has
led to mass panic among the media, thousands
of ecstatic children being kept out of school
by their credulous and moronic parents, and
increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot
public rush to bulk-buy face masks and boiler
suits.
A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better
off going to somewhere like Thailand or China,
because all you've got to worry about there
is SARS, and let's face it, you're about as
likely to die from that as you are to get kicked
to death by a gang of zombie nuns."
The
SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500
lives in only six months, which makes it considerably
more deadly than, say, malaria, which only kills
around 3000 people every single day. Malaria,
however, mainly effects only darkies that speak
foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one
English person feel a bit iffy for a couple
of days, and is therefore considered much more
serious.
The
spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions,
with many high-level politicians seemingly affected
by the disease. The rapid spread of SLOPS has
been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and
the need for Western leaders to give the public
something to worry about. Otherwise, they might
start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic
issues, and that simply would not do.