Bush
Sells Louisiana Back to the French
President
Bush and a giddy Jacques Chirac shake hands
on the deal.
BATON
ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today
that President Bush has successfully sold the
state of Louisiana back to the French at more
than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.
"This
is a bold step forward for America," said Bush.
"And America will be stronger and better as
a result. I stand here today in unity with French
Prime Minister Jack Shiraq, who was so kind
to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange
for 25 million dollars cash."
The
state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost
hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.
"Jack understands full well that this one's
a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French
people are quite prepared to pump out all that
water, and make Louisiana a decent place to
live again. And they've got a lot of work to
do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right,
they're going to fix it." The move has been
met with incredulity from the already beleaguered
residents of Louisiana.
However,
President Bush's decision has been widely lauded
by Republicans.
"This
is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President,"
said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead
of spending billions and billions, and billions
of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana,
we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."
"This
is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News
analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped
the flooding in our own budget, we've made money
on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French
are done fixing it up, we can easily invade
and take it back again."
The
money gained from 'The Louisiana Refund' is
expected to be immediately pumped back into
the rebuilding of Iraq.
