Bush Lays Off Congress. Will Outsource Lawmaking To India

Washington DC - Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and the need to cut costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush announced today that he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking operations to a legislative support center in Bangalore, India.

"Hey, outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news conference where he announced the decision, adding, "The American people want to see less government waste. Since every one of those ex-Congressmen had a salary of $150,000, this move will cut our costs by over $80 million per year, and that's not even counting what we'll save on health insurance and retirement plans." Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid approximately $250 per month.

The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and Representatives was swift. Ex-congressman Tom Delay said, "This is absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India run Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee hearings, lobbyists, fact finding junkets, pork barreling and PAC contributions?" As he was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office Building by US Capitol Police officers, Delay complained that the newly terminated lawmakers were only given 10 minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building.

"I think it's a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from a secure, undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that expensive do-nothing Congress which didn't give the president everything he asked for. Our new Indian replacements will be much more cooperative to the President, which is what we all want."

Asked whether the outsourcing may be un-Constitutional, Cheney noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to decide. But they never pay much attention to the Constitution anyway. To them it's a 'living document' that will be different every day. Besides, how much is the salary of a Supreme Court judge?"

The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the attention they are receiving. Speaking from the offices of All-India Legislative Support Centre Ltd. In Bangalore, new Texas Senator Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard working and we will do our best as US Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we are going to have some fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American taxpayers' money to spend!"